fxck.fake.scenesters...

i already moved in:

2006-04-12T14:45:00.000+08:00

http://innapochi.deviantart.com

squiggly.

2006-04-11T13:56:00.000+08:00

hey.
so yeah...

i was in my room last night soaked. again. i tried lighting 5 cigarettes all at the same time and i tried puffing all of those... i put those sticks in my mouth and puffed.. i don't know how to smoke and so i almost choked myself to death... mom smelled cigarette smoke and i just told her... no it was daddy... he went here for a while and the smoke from his stick was left in my room.

something like that.

and my dream of performing in bars was just ruined like that... mom told me to stop that cuz i should study first and all that shit... oh well.. i guess it's not yet the time for me... kuya mcoy already offered us a manager who'd help us be lined up in bars. fuck. oh well... bahala na... but i'm gonna continue writing songs... wtever... stfu..

fucktard.. shit. cunt.. asshole... duck... bulshit..

oh.. i typed duck instead of dick. lol

i'd stick to this layout cuz i can't find any good one...

we recorded a drunk version of my little sampaguita... lol... that's the one i want all people to hear...

i just love recording shit in tep's house when we're drunk... haha...

and we even spied at her brother's pc... may porn... doggy style pa nga ang una...

haha...

shitness.

bye.

i feel hot.

and now i am trying to be normal.. i won't take any pills this whole fucking week...

tangina.. tinamaan na naman ako ng topak kagabi.. *laughs*

amber yevin

2006-04-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

this girl. her name is amber yevin. she's from texas.
we've been talking online consistently. and now i have y!m, we chat there.
we get to talk about lotsa things.
life, relationships, sex... just about everything..
she started telling me flirty stuff... and i do think i am giving in... idk... :[ oh god..
i don't want anymore trouble...
i've been telling her that l.d.r's might not work... i do think it works but idk... and she's 19. just like that...
idk if she's serious... but she kept on telling me she wanted to date me. and i was asking her HOW? she can't even answer me.

she's cute.

right now she's dating a 27 year old female near her town. or something... she told me that...

i do admit i get jealous.

idk..

fuck...

she told me she wanted to kiss me.

idk..
fcuk...

seriously, i want to date her... but i can't...
there are so many things that i want to do but i can't...

i am carrying some sort of responsibility with lelet right now...

idk why i'm doing this...

i dont want to hurt people but how???

how can it be? i am uh should i say in love with 3 people?

i give in too easy now... this is not me...

but in the end, i still think about the person i've loved for so long... i cried too hard last night. not because of the two recent people... i cried cuz of my past. i can't get out from it.
this is crappy... im all fucked up.

idk what i am supposed to think about...

i'm lost.

die.

i think about that too...

i want to know more about amber. but i can't.
omg fucktard...

crap...

oh buddha... help me...

right now i want to be single and just be alone... but i have no enough reason to break up with lelet... i thought i'd give this relationship a chance... i'm trying... if amber could wait... or i want my faith back. :[ that is if she wants me back.

fuck you.

fucktard.
faggot.
queer
queens...
fag..
shithead

idk...

my heart still screams: "faith! i want you back!"

if only i could shoot a bullet through it... cuz i am in pain... :[ i want to stop it from screaming...

GINGERBREAD.

2006-04-08T19:48:00.000+08:00

lie.

[.xxx.]

so.

i think i shouldn't trust anyone... and i mean it... fuck you.. fuck everybody...

stop telling me things cuz i always believe you... you're lying.... fuck you... i hate you...

so yeah... we went out today... it was awesome... but i hate people... i don't want them around.. i saw a bnch of korean tourists too.

i lie. but pepole lie to me too much... when they lie to me, they overdo it.

i'm sick and tired of everything... may mga taong nagmamarunong, sasabihan ka ng dapat omng gawin, eh hindi naman applicable sayo... parang gago.. hindi lang parang.. gago talaga...

kanino ba ko maniniwala... i hate people keeping rpomises but they never do it.

there's this girl in myspace having a long distance affair with her hxc boyfriend... and she told me "we'll make it work..."

and so i was like "so be it..."

it does work.. it does fucking work!!!! what the hell is wrong with everyone!??!!!??!!

fuck you if you belong to those people who tell me that l.d.r's. dnt work. people think too much abpout physical shit... LUST... that's why... i don't know what's wrong with everyone...

I SHOULD NEVER GIVE MY ALL WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS... I AM ALWAYS ON THE LOSING END... go ahead tell me fuckin g things that make me feel fucking guilty... and i do feel guilty after hearing those words... and so i follow what you people tell me. FUCK YOU ALL... i never should've listend.. if things are planned my way, all things should work really well...

now fucking look at me... it's so fucking hard for me to recover assface!!! people who broke my heart should die!!!!

i was born a gingerbread... i'm too sensitive... knives make me crumble. or even just a pinch of your ugly fingers. then you had a bite... i can't put back my limbs anymore.. you ate them all... you people fuckning ate my fucking pride... my everything... i feel weak...

nothing beats bottles of vodka, depressants, dark corner, crying, blade, valiums, screamo songs, guitar, and emo...

you'll wake up the next day in your messy area, and your bed sheets were never even out of its place, knowing you've been overdosed with pills and other liquids are just scattered all around you... poems/songs you wrote and some were written with pencils... then marks of people's names, probably and ex lover written using your blood, your shirt soaked in blood and in your tears and some alcoholic juice on it.... and your cd player back on track number 7, silverstein - giving up... and when you're finally conscious, you'd hear people outside your door, happy and all that... then you'll stand up, trying to regain your strength, and you'll suddenly vomit everything you took through your mouth from last night... and if you happen to have done a hardcore blowjob last night, you'd see sperm cells killed in hydrocholoric acid that your tummy excreted... at dagdag pa sa hirap mo, you're gonna clean up the mess you did.. cause who else's gonna clean those shit up for you...

[actually happened last 04-01-06]

*sigh*

naaawa na ako kay mommy kasi gawa siya ng gawa ng paraan para sumaya ako.. and i do appreciate it... kanina lumabas kami, we ate out together, and 1st time ever, my whole family ate together... cuz we never ate at one table before... so i think it's awesome... and then mall hopping then shopping crap... but i can't help it... i suddenly felt sad and all... idk for what reason... fuck i hate this... i can't control my depression... i cry while i'm walking.. i can't hold bakc my fucking tears... minsan hindi ko na alam kung ano ang iniiyakan ko...

even in my fucking dreams... my depression haunts me... kaya nga ako nagssleeping pills para makatulog kagad at hindi na mag-isip ng mga bagay bagay... gabi gabi na lang ako nagkakanightmares.... ayoko na... nagsasawa na ko...

I HAVE SO MANY DREAMS IN LIFE AND I MAKE GOOD GRADES IN SCHOOL, MAKING ME SO COMPETITIVE WITH PEOPLE WHO STUDY IN PRESTIGIOUS COLLEGES... YET I FEEL SO FUCKING HOPELESS...

pity.

fuck me...

nobody fucking likes inna...

i hate falling in love... i hate love... fuck you...

fuck everyone...

fuck all people who don't fucking respect me cuz they think i am JUST a fucking kid.

hell fucking no...

i'll kill YOU someday...

FUCK YOU!!! MAGNANAKAW KA!!! TANGINA MO!!! MAMATAY KA NA!!!!

YOUR MOM NEVER TAUGHT U HOW TO RESPECT!!! CALL ME AGAIN AND SHOW OR PRETEND THAT YOU FUCKING PITY MY SITUATION!!!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!!!! FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!!!!

EVERYTHING'S RUINED IN MY FUCKED UP LIFE... :]

STOP MAKING COMMENTS ON THIS ONE... IF YOU DO, THEN FUCK YOU.

fab fag.

2006-04-06T14:25:00.000+08:00

queer. that's how you dress them up. that's my y!avatar anyways. haha. ugly shit.

so yeah... i have so many friends busy raising their daughters... or sons.. whatever...
too bad... they weren't able to enjoy life... well there's nothing to enjoy in life anyways.... lalao na sa buhay ko... life sucks... i'm crazy and all that..

fuck you.

so yeah... idk...

im gonna take my afternoon nap.

i take 6 pills per day.

1. for ulcer

2. suspension thingy syrup crap... novul bleh.. idk..

3. a small pill... idk how it's called... still for my tummy...

4. vitamins.. those huge shit...

5. anti-depressant

6. sleeping pills at night...

gorgeous isn't it....

don't say any comments!!! just stfu adn fuck off...

bye.

i love you.

gay

2006-04-04T15:22:00.000+08:00

heyy. i miss you journal. fuck you. i love you. thanks for always being there for me. sorry if i ignore you at times. i'm just busy. so how are you? sorry about those porn commetns that strangers put. enjoyig it? haha.

i'm reading: growing upgay/growing up lesbian.

it's an awesome book.

it's giving me ideas on how i should reveal to my parents that i am gay.
so yeah...
i knew i was when i was still 6 years old. i wanted to peek at my cousin's friends when they take their showers. i have interest in looking at a girl's chest. i strted having crushes on females when i was still small.

i had a playmate. i remember we go to the shower and take a bath together. we play "couple game" like i pretend to be the guy and she's the girl. we kiss... seriously.. we kiss naked. and we put our genitals together. it was silly but i dunno if somebody heard us doing it. i was 5. this is real stuff now... i am not trying to make stories... that was my life when i was still small since i didn't go to school cuz i don't want to...

i never told anyone about this. so yeah.. random people would just know if they're gonna read it here. i don't care about my life anymore... everything sucks. i'm crazy. i have a mental problem. i am sick. i am worthless.

i didn't know that those are some sort of signs of being a gay. i thought it was just a phase. ordinary phase... considering my classmates in gradeschool were all females. but i grew up checking out fhm magazines with sexy femals on the cover. i was attracted to women. women who are pretty, sexy, who works hard... beautiful women. i never liked boys. i like them as friends.. bbut not someone to be with in a romantic relationship. i had a boyfirend but i was just pressured to say yes. i never loved him anyways. i was once curious about boners and stuff... i wanted to try it but still, part of me doesn't want to... i still dunno if i am just a bi or completely gay... or a lesbian.. or something... A FAGGOT!!!!
idk... i was just thinking how long am i gonna keep this. i dunno if my parents would accept me. but when we watch shows on tv, and mom sees gays being abused by theior fathers, she comments: dapat tinatanggap ng magulang kung ano man yung mgaging anak nila... accept him or hr for who they are... kung ganyan, eh di baliko talaga.. wala naman siyang sinasaktan diba..."

i wanted to scream at that moment: MOM. I AM GAY.

i have lots of lesbain friends. i talk to them a lot. we share stories. same thing with my bi friends. i dont have a problem with that... i just dunno if my mom would get mad at me if i were to reveal that i am not attracted to men. i just can't. it's fucking hard.... i can't force myself to be attracted to men... feelings are feelings and you can';t just control it.

i was thinking, men show their affection with other men in games. like bball or football or whatever... cuz at those moments, they hold hands, hug tight and slap other's butt when they feel like doing it.... but out of the field or court, they return to their "NORMAL" state... idk... most men i guess are afraid to let others know they care for other men or whatever... cuz society judge it as yucky.

well... i am part of that society i don't say yuck or something.

i d k.

so yeah... back to me... i love girls.... i love them... i want females. i need females.

i can't help feeling this way.

how long am i gonna keep this... i wanna "come out"
but it's fucking hard....

well maybe when i get to live independently...

but i think my mom's getting a hint.. i am not straight... i think she feels it...

i hope.

crawl. sa mga bobo: gapang.

2006-04-03T19:34:00.000+08:00

eto na pinagpaguran (daw) ko this 2nd sem.
note:catech and psychology = wala yung mga teachers kanina...
si ms. clai, nagbakasyon, hindi iniwan yung grades. si ms. andes... ewan ko kung ano na nangyari sa kanya...

nsc 102 biology: 90.90 = 1.75
fil112 filipino: 86.56 = 2
pat102 paulthenics: 97.00 = 1.25
i.t.121 info.tech: n.g. = 1.75
pe120 physical ed (swimming/dancing): 95.61 = 1.25
philo logic: n.g. = 1.75
nstp nationalservice training prog: n.g. =1.25

english122: 84.13=2.25

tanginang yan.. isang grade na lang.. nasa d.l. na... fuck.. tss.. whatever...
so yeah... good luck... i'll be serious next school year... i wont sleep in class. promise...
sana nagseryoso ako.. haha.
shit. may 50% discount sana ako...

bye.

cutting.edge.journalism.

2006-03-24T17:55:00.000+08:00

what does a deputy managing editor do?
at ang p!mag, mayroong 4000 pesos na budget. pangworkshop? duh.

whatever.

i'm tired.

happy vacation. <3

the red dot

2006-03-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

http://www.kontrabandcontent.co.uk/1/graphics/pics/BigRedButton.swf

friendster.

2006-03-18T19:38:00.000+08:00

Last na to..
51)si inna ang ngbigay ng doreamon na key chain..
52)si inna ay..kasama ko habang kumikilatis ng mga tao sa LRT/MRT (boys rock!)
53)si inna ay..nkakatagl ng wlng tv!wag lng pc..
54)si inna ay..mahilig magpakanta pra mkatulog xa..
55)si inna ay..gustong hina-hug pag natutulog..
56)si inna ay..nakakatawa pag inatake ng kaabnormalan..
57)si inna ay..hindi kmakain ng street foods..uber yucky daw!
58)si inna ay..kasama ko ng binangga nmen ung mortal enemy ko nung H.S sa LRT..haha!
59)si inna ay naglalaway pag tulog!amuyin mo pillows nya..eww!
60)si inna ay mahiyain pero wina-wlang hiya nya ko..hehe!
61)si inna ay..hindi ngpapatalo sa mga argumento nmen!
62)si inna ay..bestfriend ko pero ako hindi nya bestfriend!:(
63)si inna ang pnaka-favorite ko smula pa nung 1st day of class..
64)si inna ay..love na love ko ta wala ng iba..
65)at si inna ang buhay ni Lelet..: )

At sana hindi na masakit yang mga gulugod mo..haha!

continuation..
37)si inna ay..humihilik pag natutulog at ngta-thumbsuck pa!(grabe!)
38)si inna ay..pink-hater pero brown lover
39)si inna ay..lagi kong ksama mg-grocery at puro pagkain binibili nya..
40)si inna ay..pa-baby plagi..gus2 may psalubong xa pagaalis ako (chocol8s&oreo)
41)si inna ay..kabato-bato pick ko khit sa fone..shit!
42)si inna ay..nakktakot pg ngalet!swear!i've seen it all..
43)si inna ay..natu-turn on sa mga nka-eyeliner (bket kya?mkpg-eyeliner na nga!)
44)si inna ay..ng-panic nung nsaraduhan kmi sa g8way!
45)si inna ay..paiyak na nung wla na kming msakyang fx (around 11 pm)
46)si inna ay..nagpapabili ng bunny kaplit ni mappy (ipon pa tau ha?w8 ka lng..)
47)si inna ay..mahilig magphotoshop ng pix nya..ang vain!
48)si inna ay..kasama ko nung inabot kmi ng ulan sa klsada at sa sobrang gutom,kumain kme sa mcdo!
49)si inna ay..pinaghanda ako ng kare-kare at pansit canton pag pupunta ako sa knila..sweet no?
50)si inna ang umubos ng long life noodle soup ko!

LeLeT BuLeL... Posted 03/04/2006
18)si inna ay..si grimace..haha!
19)si inna ay..si eeyore..wahaha!
20)si inna ay..red
21)si inna ay..green (?)
22)si inna ay..emo
23)si inna ay..guitar ang forte
24)si inna ay..drummer din! (san ka pa?)
25)si inna ay..pagba-back up ang sideline sa band nla
26)si inna ay..talented (wag mo lng xa pasayawin)
27)si inna ay..chucks ang koleksyon (sosyal!)
28)si inna ay..walang high heeled na sandals at never nagtsinelas pag aalis!
29)si inna ay..kuripot
30)si inna ay..endorser ng converse
31)si inna ay..wina-wlang karapatan ang mga poseurs na ngsusuot ng inendorse nyang converse
32)si inna ay..pumapatay ng poseurs (magtago na kau!)
33)si inna ay..ym,fone at txtmate ko!xa lmang at wala ng iba..
34)si inna ang nagturo saken ng tunay na kahulugan ng LOL (laughing out loud) at iba png abbreviation sa pagcha-chat..
35)si inna ay..mahilig mag-pass ng load pero tamad mag txt!
36)si inna ay..once in a blue moon lng mag mass (sa skul lng at tuwing first friday lng)

LeLeT BuLeL... Posted 03/04/2006
1)si inna ay..batang Cainta (karangalan mlpit sa Caltex)
2)si inna ay..galing St.Paul paaseeg!
3)si inna ay..babsy dati pro nag diet na
4)si inna ay..BIBO kahit nung bata pa xa
5)si inna ay..may accent (so basically..ang favorite line nya)
6)si inna ay..nakaka-nose bleed!
7)si inna ay..classmate ko last sem pero hindi na ngayon..sad :(
8)si inna ay..ang mapag amok na class rep ng block A
9)si inna ay..ginugulo ang buhok from root to tip pag nabubwicit sa mga passive nmeng blockm8s..
10)si inna ay..galet sa mga iresponsableng tao
11)si inna ay..pangarap mging DL kso mababa xa kay watchon.
12)si inna ay..hindi ma22log hanggat hindi xa satisfied sa mga inaral nya!
13)si inna ay..mahina ang vocabulary sa tagalog..
14)si inna ay..maraming alam na lenggwahe at may favorite kaming quote in dutch
15)si inna ay..weirdo at galet sa mundo (take a look at her page)
16)si inna ay..seryoso sa buhay,pna-pnahon lng yan 2mawa
17)si inna ay..galet sa isip bata at lging late (ako ba yun?)

death.finds.comfort.in.a.sack.

2006-03-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

someone told me that there was this man who found a person who whisltes so good and so he asked this person to teachh him. when the man whistles, he was able to call all sort of things like animals and humans too. when he went home, he found death standing on his child's head meaning his child's gonna die. and so he got the sack, whistled and then told death to fit itself in the sack. and so death went inside and slept for a long time.

nobody died after that.

bad news for someone like me.

HOMO-EMOERECTUS (gay/emotional/bipedal prson)

TM walang kokpya ng term.

bye. fuck you.

zhang ziyi will marry me.

so.

2006-03-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

i see monsters.

someone offers me a love pill.

i told her i'm not horny.

love throb prob.

tsk tsk...

am i too attractive?

HAHA.

what a joke...

this is how i escape depression.

fuck you.

gusto ng aso. or rabbit. mappy. :-

blood clot.

fuck.

i can't move my fucking right elbow.. it's stuck. i'm in fucking pain.. haha...

seriously... i'll tell mom tomorrow.. i need some sleep.

...someone to tell me that everything will be alright. :(

2006-03-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

hello.
my ever trusty public-supposed-to-be-private journal.
how are you?
i'm not fine fine.
thank you.

so.

i thikn i broke my elbow this afternoon.
we practiced for that cultural dance shit... and this pot i placed on my head (and we're required to do it) almost fell. well it fell and i suddenly dropped my elbow to catch the falling pot.
anyways, this squished nerve and torn ligament keep me busy from thinking about..hmm things.

i feel so alone.
yes i have lots of friends in school.
but i feel empty.

it's so hard to find that lost piece i've been looking for like a lot of months npw.

nalulungkot talaga ako ng todo. nobody knows how sad my life is after all the things happened. jumping from a building 100 feet from the ground is stupid. but to me, it happened accidentally. sobrang sakit nung pagkahulog ko. ang hirap makatayo. kasi walang ambulansyang dumarating o kahit ano mang taong tutulong. dinadaan-daanan ka lang. parang hinahayaan ka na lang na mabulok at matuyuan ng dugo... o kaya naman magkaroon ng blood clot sa brain dahil sa natusok ang thin lining of blood vessels na nakapalibot sa aking ulo....

right now i am soaked in tears again. i don't know. pills don't work. or they really work. it's just that i stop taking them. i'm a psycho. it's not funny. i don't like it. a i a psycho? cuz when i am asked to draw, i always wanna draw gory images and shit... cuz that's what i want.

anyways... nakakalusaw ng puso yung debate... tska ng neurons na rin. WE, THE GOVERNMENT STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO MIGRATE TO OTHER COUNTRIES FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
1. BRAIN DRAIN
2. SOCIAL CONFLICTS THAT ARISE
3. DEATH OF RACIAL DIVERSITY
4. NOT ENOUGH TAXES COLLECTED
5. RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

aba ewan ko na ang iba.. nakalimutan ko... pag-aaralan ko pa yan.. hindi pa kasi kami tapos.. shit tlga... piga na utak ko... tumakbo pa akong officer ng masscomm... tska p!mag... ayoko na... ayokong mag e.c... nakakabobo...

1)si inna ay..batang Cainta (karangalan mlpit sa Caltex)2)si inna ay..galing St.Paul paaseeg!3)si inna ay..babsy dati pro nag diet na4)si inna ay..BIBO kahit nung bata pa xa5)si inna ay..may accent (so basically..ang favorite line nya)6)si inna ay..nakaka-nose bleed!7)si inna ay..classmate ko last sem pero hindi na ngayon..sad :(8)si inna ay..ang mapag amok na class rep ng block A9)si inna ay..ginugulo ang buhok from root to tip pag nabubwicit sa mga passive nmeng blockm8s..10)si inna ay..galet sa mga iresponsableng tao11)si inna ay..pangarap mging DL kso mababa xa kay watchon.12)si inna ay..hindi ma22log hanggat hindi xa satisfied sa mga inaral nya!13)si inna ay..mahina ang vocabulary sa tagalog..14)si inna ay..maraming alam na lenggwahe at may favorite kaming quote in dutch15)si inna ay..weirdo at galet sa mundo (take a look at her page)16)si inna ay..seryoso sa buhay,pna-pnahon lng yan 2mawa17)si inna ay..galet sa isip bata at lging late (ako ba yun?)

at nawala ang fucking katuloy niyan... lintik na friendster... 65 items yun... oh well...

tae...bibili pa pala ako ng mga bagong strings sa gitara ko... kailangan ko ng kumita ng pera.. summer job sa starbucks.. lol ayoko nga dun.. mga poseurs kasi nagpupunta... PASOSYAL!!

i'm so judging. well that's what i call escapism. i judge others for me to escape whatever it is i am thinking... :(

fuck my left ear can't hear right now!!! i'm fucking serious....

putang ina it's bleeding.... :-

sandali lang dear journal...

fuck... i am getting more and more depressed... sana this would stop bleeding na tomorrow.

wala pa akong tulog...

sabi ng friend ko maari akong mamatay any minute from what i do...

haha...

ewan.

gnyt...

i'm gonna sleep na lang... i need a bunny... or just someone to tell me that eeverything will be alright.

ziyi baby! f u. akin lang siya...

2006-03-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

i am worthless.

i have no value.

sleeping pills make me happy these days.
1/4 of a small pill satisfies my craving for a good sleep.
oh. and zhang ziyi too.
she's cute.

anyway, hindi man lang ako neprepressure sa mga ginagawa ko sa school. siguro nasanay nako. i mean manhid na dahil lagi akong stressed out from all the shit i do in school.

i don't want my old life back and i don't want this current life i have.

i feel like crap.

people just step on my and they don't care about how i feel.

i'm sick and tired of writing journals... but it helps...

so..

i'm sick and tired of practicing with my band... i need a break...
i miss those times whn my family visits that chinese garden in luneta... we burn incense sticks and then walk around... and my dad just sits there at one corner praying some chants to buddha... and stuff like that...

so i just watched crouching tiger hidden dragon. fuck... i love you ziyi... you're hot and lovely... and sexy too... people know how much i dig sexy and tall chinese/korean girls... wooooot... mga bebots....

i guess when i grow older, i won't have a permanent gf... i'd go drive along beijing's bright lights and check out cute chinese girls... or i'd go check them out at cultural school or dance schools....

i am inlove with china and chinese women.. well that's where my ancestors came from anyways... but yeah.. i'm a filipino... i repeat... i am a filipino...

hindi ako taksil.

zhang ziyi... marry me... :(

oh well...

what i wish for never came true...

asa pa...

hmm... naisip ko lang... is zhang ziyi gay like me??? sana oo... kahit bi man lang...

gagawa kami ng lesbian movie.... ka love scene ko siya.. LOL

or porn video... pornstar kaming dalawa... :p

j/k...

idfk....

stfu...

nagpose sa fhm china si bebot ziyi... shit... sexy... ganda ng abs...

haha...

meet my future wife:

chiyo/sayuri

2006-03-12T17:01:00.000+08:00

haha

pengeng dvd ng memoirs of a geisha kahit napanood ko na... :)

pledge of tss... mc... haha

2006-03-07T18:04:00.000+08:00

I, Khristina Panlaque, pledge to be a true Masscomm at heart. I will forever stand by the course I truly love. From this day forward, I sow that my favorite colors are Orange and Blue and that trophies are my must have accessories. That production are my favorite pasttime. That I shall respect all Masscomm teachers yet be as friendly to them. That the Masscomm faculty office is my second home, to check every now and then the announcements of our dear P.D Dr.McRae. That I know the MC Officers' name by heart. That ate,po and opo is added to my dictionary. That no gap shall exist between the two blocks/majors. From this day forward, I promise not to sleep even if I need to, because I have so many things to do. I promise not to comb my hair all day long because the "ngarag look" is in, in Masscomm. I promise not to retouch coz I wont care what I look like anymore. I vow that come 4th year, I will be older than what I must look like. And above all these, I vow to still manage my extra and co-curricular activities coz were popular... So help me God...

pollen for trage line up for next show :D

2006-03-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

zombie - cranberries
ode to my family - cranberries
promises - cranberries
little sampaguita - pollen for trage
one of us - joan osbourne
narda - kamikazee
akap - imago
what's up - (an old song.. i forgot who sang this.. basta may "blonde" ewan blah shit...)
bring me to life - evanescence
my immortal - evanescence
masaya - bamboo
dizzy boy - pedicab
love song - 311
drive - incubus
talk show on mute -

tangina.. hirap na ako makatulog... 1/4 valiums = good sleep... hahahaha i really need sleeping pills or any drug....

anyways, ang sarap magsuicide kapag nakikinig ako ng mga lacuna coil songs.... seriously....

tsek

2006-03-03T16:52:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a while...
my paper journal has been soaked in tears...
though i have stopped writing my fairy tales
i'm going to continue writing my dreams that will never ever come true......

lunes na naman sa isang linggo...
i'm turning 19 this year...

more tears to drop...
more stitches for my heart...
more valiums (?)
more beer
more allergies
more video productions.

anunsyo ni inna, kuya congie (join the club), at iba pa...

2006-02-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

hello. i am inviting everyone to watch us at column bar (timog) on the following dates:
february 27, 2005
february 28, 2005
march 3, 2005
stephanie pinlac (tep) = vox/rhythm/lead
khristina panlaque (inna) = backup vox/rhythm/lead
charrie miranda (cha) = rhythm
pauline buenafe (kim) = bass
nikki gaspar (nix) = drums
i shall notify you people if we're gonna be performing on a regular basis sa xaymaca... we're still covering songs for Chupon...oo nga pala, promoting the soon-to-come-out album of chupon from star records.. bili po kayo ng original...
next next week, pollen for trage will do a front act thing for chupon and join the club at column :D..
extra announcement, kuya congie conducts guitars and bass lessons.. 300 pesos per hour... sa qc.... :D
in behalf of PFT, thank you. at sensya sa abala.. :D HAHA
ganito ang tinatawag na sariling sikap para sa pangarap.
see you there!
stfu!!! HAHA
***P.S. ANNOUNCEMENT
Summer SCREAM Showdown is back this summer!
calling all interested bands with at least two(2) high school members! There will be threeelimination rounds and one great final event withthree (3) of the best bands here in thephilippines
1st prize = P10k + tv/radioguesting
2nd prize = P7k + tv/radio guesting
3rd prize = P3k + tv/radio guesting
contact 09178011628 tim. (or see my friendster)

mei xiang + tian tian

2006-02-25T15:49:00.000+08:00

sleep

kuba

mabuti pa ang giant panda.... *sigh*

help!

xiang is beautiful indeed.. i wish i had giant pandas in my room so i have something to cuddle when i cry.. :-/

0

2006-02-24T10:26:00.000+08:00

at aalis, magbabalik at uulitin sabihin na mahalin ka't sambitin.
kahit muling masaktan sa pagalis ako'y magbabalik at sana
naman...

pets.. :(

2006-02-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

this.is.how.i.kill.pain...

2006-02-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

for my ex drug... you see... i still care...

2006-02-18T13:22:00.000+08:00

LITTLE SAMPAGUITA
arranged by chupon, kuya mcoy(of chupon), inna, tep
music by inna and tep

sometimes you are so gentle
sometimes you are so wild
sometimes you take me by surprise
just like a naughty child

i like you best in summer
but not in rainy day
for then you are so playful
you blow all things away

little sampaguita
with a wondering eye
did a tiny fairy drop you where you lie

in the witching hours
of the tropic night
did a careless moonbeam leave you in it's flight

(>,>)

2006-02-18T13:17:00.000+08:00

v day bear just turned 1 year old last feb 14... i cried.

oh well...

the band contest shit was postponed. so yeah.. baka next week... fuck i keep on saying "so yeah..."

fag...

our final line up would be zombie, my little sampaguita and promises (cranberries)

so the composition crap is fine...

i do a couple of solos and we've been practicing in black gulaman, rjt, and perfect pitch and the batanes street studios...

sa mga nagbabalak magpractice eto ang mga rates...

perfect pitch (ali mall cubao) - 250 per hour... set = bass guitar, keyboards, drums with sticks and microphones, additional 50 pesos for each rented guitars.

rjt - 170 per hour including bass, 1 guitar and the drums... additional 10 pesos for the sticks so 180 if everything is rented... additional amplifier there is for free...

batanes street studio - 100 pesos per hour.. 2 guitars, 1 bass, drums excluding sticks... bring your own sticks policy is folloed... (ugliest studio anyways.. haha.. :p)

black gulaman - studio A is 150 per hour... drums plus sticks... bass and guitars are rented for 25 pesos; studio b is 200 pesos per hour... 50 pesos per bass and guitars are rented... drums look better (can be modified para maging double pedal) sticks are for free... additional amps are for free...

lazer studio - never been tired but it's 150 per hour...

each pollen for trage member already spent 100 pesos... so we have released 400 pesos from our pockets...

another thing.. nagpaedit pa kami ng music video for our karol entry... shit... 100 pesos each person yung contribution.. ang mahal magpaedit ng video.. buti close na namin si ate neneth... hehe...

galing nila magedit.. kakamangha...

buti yung away away thing namin tungkol sa edit crap natapos na rin...

****
damn it..

i can't deny it...

i still miss faith...

nakamove on na kaya siya?

kasi ako.. hindi pa...

hindi ko matago si vday bear... :-<

FUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK...

hello.

bye...

shut up...

:-<

gles ing.

2006-02-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

i.t. 94.77
biological science 91.22
psychology 90.85
logic 91.21
english 80.57

like wtf??? i never missed anything here.. i submetted everything and all my friends were wondering how my grade turned into something like that... I FUCKING SWEAR IN THE WHOLE WORLD THAT OUR ENGLISH TEACHER COMPUTED FOR OTHER ELSE'S MARKS AND PLACED THE GRADE ON MY RECORD.

,

2006-02-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

hi.
we're pollen for trage.

i'm nikki. drums
i'm tep. lead/rhythm guitars/vox
i'm inna. lead/rhythym guitars/ back up vox
i'm kim. bass
i'm charrie. rhythm guitars.

our line up for feb 17:
zombie - cranberries
little sampaguita - pollen for trage (original composition) *woot*
one of us - joan osbourne

so yeah... a few more practices...
sana hindi kami magkalat..

oh well...

line up for our recording:
zombie
little sampaguita
one of us
akap
promises
nobela

etc...

shit...

wala lang...

(

2006-02-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

ate kheemibols is a bayong model. haha.

fuck.screening is on wednesday.

good luck.

i cried just a while ago.

i realized that i am still heart broken.

ha-ha.

stfu...

i'm serious FUCKER.

for you = good fu.

2006-02-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

yeah.

i have a grade of 90.85 in psychology.

what now?

haha i don't know.. i can only brag about things in my blog.

i'll brag about my midterm exams now.. haha

i.t. = 53/60
bio = 38/50
psych = 36/50
catech = 31/50
fil = 31/50
logic = 35/50

and i didn't study in all of those subjects. still i scored okay and one of the highest scorers in class. when i think about this, i feel bad cuz what if i really study? my DL pangaarp would happen.

tsss...

sige... next school year na lang. haha.

ang galing galing ko talaga.

kahit sa kalokohan.

A+

anyways excited na akong magjam ulit sa studio.

nice work inna fuckre! you've been doing fine things lately.

fcuk. music video crap production shit pa pala...

fag.

tska mga chorva.

lintek.

gusto ko ng siomai. :-/

oh well

kiong hee wat chai.

in need of $

2006-01-31T17:54:00.000+08:00

heh.

ms. morillo just told me my midterm grade. she told me i got the highest score among all of my blockmates. chorva. 94.77... wee... oh well... and i can't believe i was doing a good job in my biological science class... my midterm grade is 91.22... wee... oh well... haha.

for sure yung logic ko tska catech so so lang grades ko dun.. ayokong magseryoso... di kasi ako nagaaral nung midterm exams sa logic... iba naaral ko. hay nako.. the DL plan shall be done next year... ayoko muna.. i'm still recovering... eh kasi naman.. kung anuanong mga masasaklap na pangyayari yung ano.. chorva.. nangyari... bwiset.. nakakasira tlga ng mga naisipan kong gawin.. wala na.. lintik... PUTANGINA.

oh well...

DL tlga.. subukan.. psh... para may discount sa tuition at bilhan na ako ng bagong pc.. tapos may digi cam pa.. woot!
or video cam na lang..

i really have this interest in taking ictures then using photoshop..

i've been editing photos lately..

cool..

i think...

we'll practice na...

song 1=if you were here
song 2=my little sampaguita
song 3=(cover) zombie

2 composed 1 cover, how's that?

pink wasabi is great with their male members. let's see if they're removed.

may pagasa pa. lol

we're just there to play anyways.

practice would be every saturday morning.

and i think lelet's drum set would be brought in my house.

gee.

noise.

legal na raw kami???

whatever.

so yeah...

inubos namin yung gravy sa kfc kanina... literal na inubos namin.

shet...

sugapa... sinabaw kasi namin sa kanin yung gravy tapos mashed potato nilunod sa gravy...

yuck.

i'm back to my chasless state.

studio session #2

2006-01-26T17:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday afternoon was just quite awesome. it wasn't totally awesome cuz the studio has only limited guitars. i mean GUITAR. and so we switched instruments from time to time.

MY HAPPY ENDING: 1st run through i played guitars; 2nd time around i played the drums
ZOMBIE: i played the drums
AKAP: i played rhythym guitar; then lead; 2nd try i played BASS (woah) haha
WITH A SMILE: i played bass

so yeah... we tried doing that for an hour cuz we can't stay for long... i had an on the spot bass guitar lessons. haha. so it was fine. but i hate playing the bass. i was trying to cath up with tep's guitar - i was looking at her guitar cuz i have to see which frets she's using while i play that bass thing.. ugh.

sabog ang tanginang amplifiers nila dun.

pero k lang...

i brought my sticks with me kaya bawas ng 10 pesos sa bayad. haha.

school fair starts tomorrow.

oh shit.

my little sampaguita song... i'm excited to record it.

i swear.

fuck. i forgot. we have to shoot two videos for the masscomm month shit and for our filipino class. :-/

fuck this course i'm taking.

fag.

stfu.

f

2006-01-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

i tried not taking iin the pill i'm supposed to take.
shit i was hellafucking depressed.
i was never good at controlling my emotions.
fuck you. fuck them.
fuck all people.
i hate taking my pills.
i'm tired.

i think i'm a drug dependent person now.

help.

stop taking everything away from me.
i hate you. i hate them.
i hate everybody.

i want to scream. but i might startle our neighbors.
but still. i wanna scream.

and so i did last night in my pillow.

my head was sandwiched.

and mom heard me.

she thought it's really very serious this time around.
she's thinking i'm really crazy.

cuz i really am.

tugishtakish.pedi.cab.studio.

2006-01-06T22:24:00.000+08:00

hi.
just got home.
we did stuff in the studio.

we did our own version of akap by imago. cool... and my intrument isn't the lead guitar anymore... i am the motherfucking pimp drummer. haha.

i dunno.

then after all thos shit, they told me to audition for the masscomm drummer shit. cuz i hit it like woah...

i dunno.. sarcastic ata... haha.

haha... cuz it's been a long time since i played another drum piece. i lack practice and my coordination skills sucked a bit.

i'll save money to buy the cheapest drums... just for practice anyways.

fuck pero masmahal ko pa rin ang gitara.

i shall play fucking lead/solo parts til i die. fucker.

midterms oh midterms... hello. i hate you.

i shall be a DL next school year. tssss... pffft... psh.... whatever... i hope that's true.. lol so i'd get tuition fee discounts...

hoaw yeah...

tinamad na kasi akong magaral.... NAWALAN AKO NG MOTIVATION...

tska mahirap kapag kailangan ng anti-depressant pills. lol... kakaloka...

oh drums... i need the drums... i missed it big time... i hope my cousin would bring our set back.. :(

recollection.jan.9.06.

2006-01-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

hmm..
yeah.
i just got home from school.

i looked at my wallet and i still have 600 pesos. like woah... where sis that come from? hah! i still have lots of money. but i'm gonna be broke soon. we have to pay the moment we're gonna hire the studio. woot! oh well.. music music.. passion passion. can't complain.

so we had a 3-hour break this morning. we went to mcdonalds. and how cool. mcdo always sends a shuttle service to pick up paulinians in school. mcdo e.rodriguez - may bagong raket. lol. but still. cool.

jackie moreno went with us. she's really nice and approachable. to think na she's been posing for magazines... not magazine.. but magazines. haha... i can remember i saw her ad... she's a jewelry model.. i just forgot what jewelry shit... but yeah... just like crisel and angel.. they both belon in this agency crap.. but jackie's got more experiences. abs-cbn calls her to audition... damn.. sooner or later, she'd ba an artista.. i swear.. lol... and we were laughing so loud in mcdo when we were eating... hay.. ang sabi nga ni noe... maligaya na rin ako sa dalawang malalaking dilaw na arko...

the anti-depression pills work... i just hope i won't go to the point wherein i'd go take pills behind my mom... i swear it's so addicting cuz i'm been depressed for like 5 months now... it's hard. good thing one of my relatives is a clinical psychologist. mom consulted her or whatever. i'm not into this serious psychotic state whatever shit fucker whatever...

she was like: "OMG. neurotic!"

aba. nakuha pang magjoke. oh well. i guess that isn't a joke.

mom knows i cut myself from time to time.

my psychology teacher told me that it has something to do with my poopoo training back then.. haha... cool... and my o.c.-ness... i always want everything in order and i can't sleep without organizing stuff.

adik. yak.

so yeah... i have tons of things to do.. and guess what?

I WAS ELECTED AS THE NEW MOTHERFUCKING PIMP CLASS REPRESENTATIVE.

WOW. a big responsibility is now in my hands. i hate it but i have to do my stuff... god help me. geeee.... our adviser got my number and our schedule so yeah... go class rep.

ugh... this is so embarrassing or something.

and some psych people know me... gee... how did they find out about me... i don't even know who the hell are those people.

fuck off...

POLLEN FOR TRAGEDY

2006-01-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

The Get Up Kids
The Promise Ring
Pedro the Lion
Texas is the Reason
Sunny Day Real Estate
Juliana Theory
Saves the Day
Weezer
Death Cab for Cutie
Drive Like Jehu
Jets to Brazil
Built to Spill
Alkaline Trio
Mineral
Orchid
Indian Summer
Antioch Arrow
Moss Icon
The Locust
q and not u
Cap'n Jazz
Don Caballero
Mogwai
Neutral Milk Hotel

i love them. i am so addicted downloading their songs.

fuck.

hawthorne heights. <3

and fuck yeah. congie lulu my emoboi accepted my request. he remembered me when they performed in school. hail join the club!
heh...

so yeah...

just a thought... every time i go to the comfort room, i think people should learn how to flush their shit properly. it's not really nice to live with someone who leaves his/her kids swimming in public.

you know how disgusting is that?

so what's up dear fucker? anything cool happening to your life?

ugh.

so we're gonna go play our instruments inside the studio on friday.
coolness. and i photoshopped a couple of photos and made it into a new modified graphics for some background shit.

i need a new computer and a new digicam. fuck you. i hate people who own digicams.. good digicams but they don't know how to take good pictures. fuckers.

and i am practising a couple of songs. if we have a new bassist then we're gonna start recording. yay.

whatever.

pollen for tragedy.

wow. how sexy that band name is. i love it. but our band still doesn't have a name. my friends are so clueless of emo and we don't make emo music. i'll suggest that if we're gonna make emo music.

i'll come up with a list tonight. if an only if i'm done reviewing...

so yeah...

my depression is getting worse.

last night i was studying for some hsit.

i dunno.. i just suddenly started crying in the middle of the . mom heard me crying again. she noticed how each minute i become depressed.

sometimes i don't want to die but sometimes i want to die. i dunno. fuck me.
so yeah.. my anti-depression pills are coming now. i need to take them.

hmm.. back to the emoname generator.. i guess our name would be modified to POLLEN FOR TRAGE (TREYJ)
cuz we might play while we do stuff in school and nuns don't like tragic names. fuck.. boooo.... losers. old maids.

hmm...

homeworks.

later... gnyt.

hello chatfucker.

2006-01-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

fallen_for_misery
fallenxforxsolitude
sunken_in_solitude

wtf.

shut it.

new y!m ids.

but i still don't have y!m.

nietsrevlis

2006-01-02T12:43:00.000+08:00

I think I sort of figured out why I am always sad. It’s because I exist. I was never happy because of myself. I always think I have the worst life in the world though it’s not true (I guess). I am always depressed. I am now. I’m sick and tired of everything happening to me. I wish I knew all things that would happen in my fucking life. It’s not funny. I don’t even know how to respect my parents sometimes. Yes I don’t answer them back. But when I do, (if I really have to) I lose my respect. I don’t like that. I dunno. I think my parents got used to the quiet inna I used to be. I don’t fight back even if people are stepping on my pride or dignity or things like that. I always look down when they tell me things or when they scold me. I feel like a pile of crap being stepped on. I dunno. When I think about general things that happened and that are happening, I end up knowing that I am so fucking pathetic. I am fucking weak. I don’t do anything with what others do to me. I wish that genies were true. I already got tired of wishing about this and that. None of my dreams for myself happened. Each person I’ve dreamt of to live a happy life with me, they leave me. I am so scared of taking the risk in entering new relationships. 1. I don’t know how to move on; 2. I always love my partner more than the usual love that I should give. I don’t have anything left for myself anymore. Fuck why am I always broken. I was broken. But I was smashed into smaller pieces. And I think I could be in my smallest bit - sooner or later. Life sucks cuz life doesn’t want me. Hello life. Why don’t you love me like the way you love other people? Others think that I am blessed. Well that only means that I am a very good pretender. I may be materially blessed. But I am not blessed with enough strength. I am not emotionally gifted like other people who can withstand things and leave the past. I treasure things that happened to me. Well except those that aren’t worth keeping.

Remember what I told you before?
I said that I really love you. I know it.
But you don’t have to love me back.

I even say the most painful words I could ever imagine. My own tongue hurts my own body.

I really hate it when I start adoring people. Cuz I forget about myself. It’s fucking hard damn it. I dunno when I am gonna stop crying every night before I go to bed. My favorite spot in my room is the darkest corner I could squeeze myself in. I think that brings out a little bit of joy in my bitter character. I was crying a lot last night of December 31, 2005. I was just standing up in the middle of my dark room. I thought I was going crazy and I need to be treated and brought immediately at any mental doctor. I told myself I have to wake up. I smashed my head on the wall of my room. My mom heard it of course. And she got mad at me. I just told her I fainted cuz of the smog smell going in my room and it made me dizzy.

I am not really sure if I was able to wake up. Completely.

:’-<

Another thing that I was able to find out: I know why I wanted to commit suicide.

It’s because people only recognize your efforts and all the good things you did when you’re dead. I remember the silverstein song I always sing:

MAYBE WHEN, YOU FIND OUT THAT I’M DEAD
YOU’LL REALIZE WHAT YOU DID TO ME
AND IF MY LUNGS STILL LET ME BREATHE
WOULD YOU BE THERE FOR ME

When I listen to this song it makes me cry. I can’t control it.

And I am always keeping this suicide letter I wrote with my own blood when I cut my thigh open with that I love you statement. I only have 3 messages for all people who have touched my distressing life anyways. It’s not hard to fulfill. :)

Others know that when people who would want to commit suicide let the entire population know it’s because they only want attention.

February 14, 2007 is near.

Well I still have to list down reasons why I should go on.
If there are reasons.

I hope there really are. :) right?

Give me at least one.

And NO. I don’t need any fucking attention.

All I need is comfort. I am tired of hearing all you people’s lame sermon.

Good night. I love you.

stfu.

2006-01-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

geez. the +) guy in myspace made comments in almost all of my pictures. i got tired of opening them. so yeah...

it was december 31 last night. i just remembered the same night last 2004. i was crying. and so i ended my year crying too. pity. it was so sad. i can still remember how painful it was. cuz at that exact moment, she called me. it was very lonely.

i know everybody's having fun last night.

but i was just there in my room. i was looking out my window. shit. i hate smog. and it smells like fireworks.
so yeah... i can't wait for chinese new year again. i'd go watch dragon and lion dances shit when we're gonna go to chinatown. yay!

damn it. i hate comments whores in myspace. they keep on posting on bulletins that people in their list should give them comments or else, they're gonna be deleted. duh. delete your fucking ass. i don't care. you added me in the first place and when i was talking to you you were ignoring it... so comment you're own cunt and delete me. besides i am talking to interesting people now. ugh. i like gays. and geez... there are lots of filipinos in north america who add me. what's the biggie. miss your own country?? duh. then go back. but anyways, i love talking to them.

and emo boys. whoo. why do they add me? lol!

so yeah... i started my 2006 crying last night. and i hope i won't end it the same way i ended my 2005 last night.

whatever.

i want spongebob. cuz i always cry at night. i need a spongha to suck on my tears.

gee. that didn't sound good.

MERRY NEW YEAR PEOPLE.

fuck.

ughck...

2005-12-30T18:05:00.000+08:00

geez. americans and those native speakers of english don't know how to spell BASTARD.
it's not BASTERD damn it.

and please know the differences between THEY'RE, THEIR, and THERE; WHERE, WERE, WE'RE...

go back to your english classes and don't be too proud you're americans. All you people know are to fuck and to play with stuf.. yeah stuff.

whatever.

shitheads.

i'm so happy i am a filipino and i live in the philippines.

shut it.

2005-12-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

omfg. emo. i love them.

hangin out

2005-12-27T17:22:00.000+08:00

...
yep. i went out today with a friend. i bought gifts so i have something to give them when i go back to school.
so yeah. i am. fucking. BROKE.

after shopping for some shit, we went to tokyo tokyo to eat. fuck. unlimited rice. i was trrying to be a vegan. and so i tried eating veggies. yuck. but i have to. and i ate this sushi shit thing.. ugh... i don't like it. i like crab sticks but not that fucking california shit stuff.. i dunno...

so yeah... lelet went home with me. we were hangin out and looking at my baby pictures. then we were eating this sampaloc candy shit thingy. ugh. i hate it. we had nothing to do this afternoon. so i told her to come down so we'd play pc games. he saw my harvest moon cows. pfft. so yeah... then we played duke nukem 3d. an old pc game. fuck i'm dizzy...

1. To the people who does have more than 500 friend's, are you serious? Nobody in this universe has that many friends... you're stupid. Go killyourself.
2. If you're ugly stop acting like you don't know it. The captions under you picture that says "top model pose" doesn't convince anybody. at leastyou can work on your personality
3. Don't ever post pictures and say "omg im so ugly" because if you were, you wouldn't post them.please put away the rod and reel cause your just fishin for compliments.
4. Nobody cares about threats over the internet. Don't try to act hard with the keyboard... that's so sad. unless you actually physically beat someone with the keyboard. then thats ironically hilarious.
5. If all your pictures look the same... don't post them all! Please put some variety in your pics. Nobody wants to see your face 8 different ways. I don't care if its inverted, black and white, or faded out. a face is a face is a face
6. Who really gives a rats ass if I don't accept you as a friend...MOVE ON. Don't send me another request or message asking "what's up?" I don't want you as a friend or I just don't care, that'swhat's up!
7. LITTLE 10, 11, 12, years old who have friendster and LOOK LIKE SLUTS, go somewhere else because NOBODY wants you here except pedophiles, and is that what you want. to be raped? no you don't so RUN RUN FAST!!
8. No one is really going to die in 6 days or have bad relationships for 5 years if they don't pass or post your bulletin on. so stop saying that!
9. If you have decided to read this, You are a true Friendster Friend. Real friends read their bulletins.
10. It serves to eliminate people who are desperately trying to add "friends" like it's a popularity contest in high school. Good riddance!

and as for me, i don't fuckingg care whoever fucking wrote this shit. just let people do what they want cuz that's what they want fucker!!! you think what you do with your account is totally different and fucking 100% correct.... fuck off cunt. don't act like a little twat cuz you're worse than a genitalia. just mind your own fucking business... that buletin won't eliminate the things that you don't want in this fucking world.

so yeah... i believe there's no such thing as TRU FRIENDSTER FRIEND or TRUE MYSPACE FRIEND or whatever online accounts... btw... downelink.com is a sort of friendster for gays like me... lol but i don't want to make an account. shit. pero madaming gays dun... haha...

so yeah... same goes to those people who laugh at emo children.

so yeppyyepyep. i cried last night. it was not that awesome. i am just sad. still sad... but anyways, people liked my new haircut.. they were like "oi.. maspogi ka na ha.."

tssss... whatever. shit.

i shall vomit later on...

charlene dude best bud too, hmmm i miss you.. and I AM SO SORRY... :(

people in my life i miss all of you.... kailan ko kayo makikita....

shit naman...

hmmm when i die, i want all people to go and claim my heart dun sa embalsamador... so yun... each touch and squeezes in my heart would let me know that people won't forget me. haha... tapos yun... they should tear my chest open to get my heart.. put formaldehyde then display it in any science lab... woeh.

<3

this year is the most fucked up year in my fucking fucked up life.

411

2005-12-26T19:48:00.000+08:00

POSEUR

Yes kids, that is how you spell poseur. No, I'm not trying to spell it some "fancy french way." Don't believe me? Let's go take a look at handy old Webster's:

Main Entry: po·seur

Pronunciation: pO-'zr

Function: noun

Etymology: French

Date: 1872: a person who pretends to be what he or she is not : an affected or insincere person

And there you have it. Still don't believe me? Let's look up "poser":

Main Entry: pos·er

Pronunciation: 'pO-zr

Function: noun

Etymology: pose

Date: 1793: a puzzling or baffling question

Interesting. So, in closing,

USE THE RIGHT WORD YOU IDIOTS.

it's christmas.

2005-12-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

it's christmas. we went to my cousin's house cuz we decided to spend christmas there. i dunno. whatever. i saw mappy. he's still fat. he's old. my brother carried him and placed him on his lap. mappy is bleeding. he's got a wound on his left leg. poor mappy. it made me cry a bit. but anyways i though he was a bit hungry when i got out of the bathroom. he started smelling my shoe. then he started chewing on my sneakers. i walked towards the couch and he folowed me. poor mappy. so i gave him a piece of bread and he was tooo hungry. he thought my shoe was his food. medyo malabo na kasi mata niya. matanda na. :( he's the fattest bunny ever. i wanted to bring him back home but my mom refused cuz she said i won't take care of him... oh well.
we are the only house in this fucking village that doesn't have any christmas decor.well it's always like that for christmas. mom said abala lang yung christmas trees and lights. so yeah... very depressing. and we didn't had anything something special last christmas eve. cuz mom is very busy with her work.
oh well.
mom bought me a very expensive shirt instead.
pffft...

gee... this is the lonliest christmas of my life. i was crying last night before i fell asleep.

i'm fucking neurotic.

merry christmas.

good night.

it's christmas eve.

2005-12-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

fuck

i wrote and extra long entry.

and it's motherfuckingbullshitassholecrapfuckercuntdickheadtwatbuttfuckedup GONE!!!!

i hate this. good night.

i'm fucking sad.

don't talk to me.

i'm fucking suicidally depressed.

FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!

and the hero will. drown.

2005-12-23T13:42:00.000+08:00

Nothing compares to the feeling when you hear words that you really like from someone.

Thanks for being my drug.

A drug that cures me when I’m ill or a drug that makes me feel bad at times.

Bisexual ladies add me in myspace.

Shit.

What’s up with that…

My Christmas wish is that all people would become gay.

I make people gay.

I hate anti-gays.

Shut it fucker.

It’s hard for me to sleep at night.

I cried again.

I was talking to piglet. He asked me who’s my fucking hero. I said “YOUR MOM”

I feel stupid making that lil voice.

Damn it. I wish I have my own camera. I’ve seen one in this shop and it’s fucking expensive.

Everything is so expensive like woah. I hate it.

So I guess I have to save money. Fuck. I’m so poor I don’t have a single piece of coin in my purse.

Fuck. I remembered this faggot who stole my fucking purse in the station. I can feel it. He’s dead. I can see in my ultra-whatsoever-shit-function-in-my-mind that worms are devouring on his flesh.

Eew.

Rot you fucking twat! Rot!!! Faggot!

I always wake up at 12 noon. Bitch. I feel so lazy. And I haven’t started my midterm paper and my recovery quiz shit for biology.

It’s raining.

I feel sad.

Yesterday I decided to play with our parakeets.

The bluish-gray bird ate my finger.

No my finger is still intact together with my other fingers.

He/she was trying to chew on it. Or peck on it. Whatever.

Damn. I think those birds are gay.

Anyways..

I fucking hate mymp.

Mymp. Imp. Pimp. Pfft…

Laos na sila. Buti nga.

I’m listening to yellowcard.

And I’m crying.

Ocean avenue.

Only one.

Those songs remind me of someone.

Well duhhrrrr…

I’ve been listening to those songs when faith and I were still together before… august 2004.

When I listen to those songs, I can smell the same smell of that fucking air I used to smell back then. Oh you don’t get it. Fuck off cunt. I’m the only one who understands what I’m trying to say here.

Shitheads.

After this I’m gonna play that soccer game I downloaded.

Fuck it. I can’t shoot goals. Fucker.

It’s a sad Christmas for me.

Question: to who am I willing to spend the rest of my life with?

Answer: MY FUCKING SELF!!!!

MY ONE DAYs ALWAYS END UP WITH “AND THEY LIVE NOT FUCKING HAPPILY EVER AFTER.”

-broken. This fragile thing now. And I can’t. I can’t pick up the pieces.

:’(

until the day i die, i'll spill my heart for you

2005-12-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling uber absolutely sober extra sad last night.

i was crying. again.

i'm not surprised... and i was listening to story of the year and the ataris...

elton john married his canadian boyfriend. congratulations to them. i support gay marriages.
yay.

so i was thinking last night about some things. my haircut was modified and looked more emotional and stuff like that. haha. i think i look like miyavi... woeh... miyavi is this hmmm japanese musician with a messy hair. now i can go to school without brushing my hair.

tangina... ayoko na umiyak. pero di ko mapigilan.

shit.

neurotic.

http://www.geocities.com/khristina_panlaque/questions.htm/

mga katanungan sa pat102 midterm paper. fuck.

ang corny.

i need new band members. jam daw kami nila tep. sana matuloy na yung sa studio thing. cuz we have the drums already. it's so fucking cool. i miss using my sticks.

i just remembered soe people n a iniyakan ko.

si zai mahigit kumulang 1 taon din ako nadepress...
kay faith? ugh.. hanggang ngayon... hindi lang isang taon ibubuhos kong lupa dito

chorva. hayy. sino pa ba iniyakan ko.... si phyllin. tska si kookai. kasi alam kong taken na sila dati pa nagpupumilit lang ako. haha. fucker. well gradeschool pa lang naman ako nun.

gs pa lang gago na.

hmm...
whatelse...

i have my period.

oo nga pala... napanood ko yung y speak... shit.. si karen twce napakita sa tv... tapos si dr mcrae, panelist pala... si ate kheem, ate ima, nakita ko rin.. pati si ate ciara naglalakad... lol

i'll watch the next episode.. sa 25... shit... i'm one of the audience there... and i'm excited to see the join the club performace ulit :D

fuck myspace. i hate it when people comment on my photos. and my blog. but i like reading them.. lol

at may mga taong nageemo-emohan... chorva... chaka... mamatay na sana kayo... i know everything about emo cuz i read all articles related to it and you're gonna tell me you're an emo boy? it's not the hair fucker!

btw.

i'm a vegan now.

c:/mydocuments/hello.doc

2005-12-21T13:33:00.000+08:00

Hello. My back is fucking itchy. I’ve been scratching this allergy thingy and it sucks. I really hate it. So I saw these pc brochures in my brother’s room. Great. I’m gonna show it to my mom cuz I want a new computer. Mom told me she’s gonna get me a new computer. Haha. Yay… I just don’t know when… I want her to buy me that laptop… it’s for 79,000 plus plus whatsoever. Kinda expensive but I really like it. Cuz it’s got bluetooth, infrared, hmmmm etc…. usb shit… ugh… I want my cam to work and it’s easy to transfer photos from a mobile phone or something… damn. It’s so fucking hard livng in the Philippines.

I’ve been deleting myspace people in my account recently… haha. Fag… I check out males then delete them. I’m going to delete male users. Except those who talk to me or something. I like prom princess. Cuz he’s bi… lol I’ve been talking to gays for the past few months in myspace. Emo gays. Emo boys who kiss other emo boys. Emo girls who kiss emo girls. Am I emo? Ugh… fuck stop with the label. What a coincidence… (fat girl: “you are so so so scene…”) still… a coincidence… I’m gay… are emos gay? Emos are losers. And so am i. And you call that coincidence.. but anyways, if you still want to label me emo, then I don’t give a damn shit…

I’m so lonely.

Being alone is so fucking awesomeradomfgbullshitfag.

Wow. Kris aquino would want to pay for the expenses of this cancer kid. Yung scan crap. Gee… yak. Nanonood ako ng game ka na ba. The artists who play are hmm playing for a cause. Haha. Whatever. Do they have to be in that game to help others? Shit naman. Ang dami nilang pera eh… oh well…

Ugh.. enough of these… I’ve been telling myself that my life belongs to people who should live pero nachuchugi kagad..

I miss the things I usually do before…

My life sucks.

Buti nakakatagal pa ko sa mga ganito.

Nahihirapan na tlga ako. Chorva.

Ahh… I want to type more… mamaya nako mashoshologs.

They’re showing fruits basket in studio 23 and they’re gonna show great teacher onizuka GTO in gma7. our cable was removed already since nobody watches tv on weekdays. And besides we only watch the new. Kainis.. no more nick tv tska animax. Hehe.

I just downloaded this coheed and cambria track. I really like it. It’s an old song from them. Damn it. I have no money to buy cds.
I do get money these days but it’s hard to save. Nauubos lahat ng money ko from commuting eh…

Fruits basket is such a nice anime but I stopped watching it for some reason.

I guess I’ll wait for naruto, the noisy ninja. Lol.

Haaayy… maghapon akong emo mode. I don’t know man… can’t stop my tears from falling. I’m so fucking sad you bitch. I can’t do anything about it so shut the fuck up and don’t tell me to be happy you fucking shitness. Pare-pareho kayo ng mga sinasabi.

Ugh…

…recall the moments that once… have…

good eye sniper

I’ll shoot

You run

Run quick

They’re behind us

The words you scribbled on the walls

The loss of friends you didn’t have

I’ll call you when the time is right

Are you in? or are you out?

For them all to know the end of us all…

Bye bye beautiful

Don’t bother to write

Disturbed by your words

And they’re calling all cars

3 step left down

3 steps step down

coheed and cambria is so fuckingawsomeradyoucuntfucktardshutthefuckupbitchcuzifuckingtoldyousobullshit.

And I wonder if you ever think about me anymore (translation in pinoy gay lingo: may ishnever ka na ba?)

And I wonder if you ever think about me when you’re hangin’ in new york….

…and I wonder if you give him better blowjobs than the ones I got from you….

Girl you mean so much to me

I wish that we

Could start it over

Start it over

I don’t need

Your sympathy

Your apologies

See I’m staring in my coffee cup

At 6 am and I cannot give up.

I watch the proverbial sunrise

Coming up over the pacific and…..

I think I am losing my mind……

Cuz I don’t want you to know where I am

Cuz then you’ll see my heart, in the SADDEST STATE IT’S EVER BEEN…

Are you listening?

Sing it back and ohh…

I will spin it free woahhh…

With a little sweet and simple numbing me…

Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I’ve been dying to tell you anything

You wanna hear

Cuz that’s just who I am this week.

Drop a heart

Break a name

We’re always sleeping in for the wrong team

We’re going down down in an earlier round

And sugar we’re going down swinging

I’ll be your number one with a bullet

A loaded god complex cock it and pull it.

I wonder how theses combined lyrics would sound like… heh…

I failed to download this death cab for cutie song. Shit. The link is fucking broken.

Fag. Film actors guild. Fag.

Ang dami kong sinasabi wala ng nakakaintindi. Eh heh.

Now let’s slit some wrists.

Yay.

And don’t you know my hair is fucking emo now?

Hah.

I know you can get haircuts at bumble bumble for a hundred US dollars. Not just an ordinary haircut but an emo haircut.

All you fucktards spend a lot in your hair. Emo boys.. ehem gays are metrosexuals I know… but note: if you only buy your shirts in shows, then why not cut your own hair? I do cut my own hair… AND WHEN YOU CUT YOUR OWN HAIR, YOU’RE GONNA FEEL YOUR BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN ON YOUR FOREHEAD MAKING YOU REALIZE YOU’RE FUCKING ALIVE.

Junk. Asswipe. Fucktard. Cunt. Dickhead. Stfu.

Stop doing those things cuz you think it’s cool. Unless you are like me who’s got a fucking mental disorder.

I am 100% NATURALLY EMOTIONAL.

100% baliw. HARHAR.

Get it cunt?

panot

2005-12-17T19:02:00.000+08:00

i went to my dermatologists this afternoon. i consulted the hair doctor.
then my skin doctor. nothing wrong with my skin. but there's something wrong with my hair. haha.
she said that my telogen shit phase about the hair thingy is prolonged. and i've been thinking too much about stuff lately. so yun.. hair loss... i lose more than 100 strands of hair daily.
stress.

i knew it... lol

heh...

so there you go... i have to use a baby shampoo.

after my mom and i went to that place, we ate... we had pizza, chicken, spaghetti then hmmm.. baked mac.. teehee... we ate a lot... and mom bought my vitamins. cuz i am losing too much weight too.

shit. ang laki ng pills na iinumin ko.

hmm.. ano pa ba...

yun.. naalala ko... i sang Best of Me during our inuman sessions pala kahapon... i played the guitar too... kaboses ko raw si avril na live???? ugh!! NO WAY! but asenso... pwede naman daw pala ako kumanta.... well baka sarcastic pagkasabi nila.. haha...

di na ko iinom ng pangkarpintero drink next time... allergic ako.

buong katawan ko namamantal tlga... shit...

kati...

~,~

2005-12-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

i was tipsy last night.. tipsy but conscious.
naalala ko pa umiyak ako. haha
i drank a lot.
and i ate a lot as well. good thing i didn't puke on my way home.
ayoko ng pangkarpintero alcohol. gin? ugh...
nagkakapantal ako eh. ang kati.
hanggang vodka lang tlga ako... lol

toituhl.

2005-12-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

wow. one more day and off to christmas vacation.
that's pretty.
and what's prettier? hmmm si cuasi manlilibre raw.. pero hindi ako makakaputna kasi may mexican chorva nga kami.. and may lakad kami ng college mates ko... shet. party... left and right...

***

i was walking along the gallery and then i stayed for quite a while at the pond area in our school. shit. the pond is so dirrrty and i saw a dead coy floating on the water. yuck. it was so disgusting but the reason i stayed there for quite a long time is beacause i saw two baby turtles resting on top of the fake rock. i saw the bigger one dive into the pond cuz he heard me sneeze. i guess the other one is so fucking dumb, she didn't hear me. i just saw her stretching her limbs. i named the boy turtle TORT and the girl turtle TART. wow. isn't it cool? tort and tart together in the slimy pond. No one would ever give a flying fuck if i named them anyways. for others, they may be anonymous turtles, but for me, i own them when i am in school. chorva... i'll miss tort and tart when i go for my christmas vacation... i always visit them there. especially when i am very lonely. i leave my friends and just sit there for quite a while... in my mind, i'm trying to talk to tort and tart about how i feel during whatsoever time i see them. well turtles is a sign of hmmm sort of bad luck to chinese people, but i can't find any animals to interact with while i'm in school. i don't like the nasty birds sneaking in our canteen. i don't like those cats..ugh.. that stupid black cat at the plaza. and i also don't like those cys and janitor fishes in the slimy pond.. and those little tilapias chorva.... yuck. so yeah... tort and tart show grow as big as a dog.... hah... j/k... that's stupid... i wish i could bring tort and tart home. cuz i always cry in my room. :(

***

fuck... am i that desperate already to be happy?
damn it... i shouldn't be trying... cuz i never will!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

nasanay ako sa pagview ng something na nakastuck sa certain feeling...
hindi ko na pala napansin yun... i wasn't able to pay a little bit of attention when i face that kind of hmmm... errmmm... let's just say "event." that i normally do actually...
it's kinda weird pero ganun pala talaga ang pakiramdam...

*Ripppppppppppppp*

shit.. gising pa ko ng 4 am bukas... gotta be in school at 6:30 am. yay. tort and tart..

merry almost christmas. it's raining.

voodoo doll.

2005-12-14T19:58:00.000+08:00

shit. four modular exams tomorrow. cool. and i haven't studied... study notes your ass... ugh... i'm getting tired of studying. but i like studying in my psychology class.
can't wait for module 8... abnormal psychology kasi.. haha. dun ako nababagay.

i really can't believe it. i'm still crying for the same reason and after looking at something... that some THING made me cry as in o.a. kasi napahagulgol tlga ako ng wala sa oras. i hate it but i can't help it. my mom heard my hikbi and so she asked me what's wrong.. i just told her i want to be alone so she left me alone. my mom also cries when i cry. i am pretty sure that my mom knows i'm crying because my heart is torn apart. i know she knows it. i can tell it by the way she approaches me.

i am fucking abnormal.

damn... my brain is so preoccupied... i wish my hypothalamus wouldn't work anymore so i wont feel any emotions. i hate those hormones coming from whatsoever gland shit.... fuck.

so yeah... i happen to pass by at this gay person in myspace... i was reading his myspace profile... he's sick with some sort of cancer thingy... and it puts a smile on my face cuz his profile describes how much he loves his boyfriend.

damn it... there are lots of things that make me cry during the past months and just now... hmmm... i dunno..... fuck... tangina... shit tlga... chorva... shit... ayoko na.. i can't take this anymore but i don't know how to escape from this feeling. kahit anong mangyari kasi, ganito na tlga... hindi ko kinakaya. dinadaan ko na lang sa ibang bagay kaya pati sleeping time ko nasira.

madalas na akong maawa sa sarili ko. i really dont find it weird but for others, iisipin nila na nababaliw na ko. i play some sort of "couple game" with my stuffed animals... i pretend they're bf-gf/gf-gf/bf-bf... damn.. pity. i can only see a perfect relationship in my toys. i'm so desperate for it... but i can't have it. and after i play my mini game, i cry. stupid.but true.

i don't know if i am really losing my mind. agh.

it's hard faking a smile in front of people everyday.

good thing hindi ko tinuloy ang pagiging usherette sa abs-cbn thingy. cuz i can't stay the whole day smiling welcoming those abs-cbn company biggies... shet. di ko naman pwedeng simangutan si eugenio lopez jr. diba... gagawin ko yun kung gusto kong masibak sa masscomm society.

there are times tlga na nagsasawa na ko mabuhay. just a minute ago i felt the same exact feeling... im so fucken tired of pretending to be happy. i have no reason to be happy. do i?
i don't know.

yahweh, tell me how long i'm gonna last in this world.

i know my life is not something i deserve.

but why did you allow my spirit to dwell in human flesh?

cuz all i feel is pain.

i feel like a voodoo doll being pinned several times.

fuck.me.

2005-12-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

i'm sick.
i just found myself getting used to covering up my depression. it's really cool.. it's kinda hard but still cool. i hate doing this but my depression makes me crazy. i guess i'm having SAD syndrome. i can't sleep din kasi. this sucks.. my friends inaschool tell me that my eyebags are getting bigger. shit. ugliness... nagpupuyat na nga kaaaral, di pa ko makatulog. valiums work on me but i'm taking it behind my mom's back. she's gonna get mad at me if she finds out. i really need sleep. the only place i could bring out my sadness is through this fucking blog. i can't withstand pretending to be happy and nothing really happened. i feel so fucked up. every night i cry.. i don't know how to snap out of this shit. i can't control my emotions. it's hard. i always find this dark corner in my room, sit there and cry hard. my friends keep on asking me kung bakit namamaga yung mata ko lagi.
alam ko, may mga tao pang masmalalim yung mga problema. but i don't like to compare myself from them. para sakin this kind of situation is hard for me. sorry. i'm different and this is how i take things. pucha naman kung utusan mo pa ako kung ano gagawin ko. i don't need any suggestions from people. i just need comfort.

inna. fucker.

mandurukot.

2005-12-05T18:08:00.000+08:00

may mga taong naghahabol sa akin pero hindi ko binibigyan ng pagkakataon. may mga taong hinahabol ko pero balewala lang naman sila sa akin. i was asking myself kung sino yung mas matimbang sa akin. shet. mahirap na decision.
tangina.
haha
oh well.

nadukutan pa ko ng coin purse kanina sa lrt station. tanginang yan... 170 pesos yunglaman ng isa kong wallet. buti na lang 2 yung wallet ko. shit tlga. putangina.
sana mamatay na yung dumukot nun.. magkahiwa-hiwaay sana yung katawan niya. mabangga siya ng mabilis na truck. madurog yung buto niya, maipit yung ulo niya, mabasag yung bungo, masagasaan yung utak, maputol yung mga kamay at mapunta siya sa impyerno. sana nangyayari na yun ngayon sa kanya. lalo siyang magutom, mahuli ng pulis, makarma.. lahat lahat. gago siya. gumulong gulong sana siya sa hagdan dun sa lrt. magkaroon siya ng amnesia, tapos mabaliw.

hindi excuse ang pagnanakaw.. kung wala kang pangtawid gutom, manghingi ka. mga walang pinagaralan...

sa sobrang inis ko, i'm trying to comfort myself na buti na lang hindi ako tinutukan ng patalim o klahit anong weapons... shit tlga.. i hate commuting... hindi ako handa sa mga situations na ganun. shit.. fuck... ugh....

i'm gonna let god decide for whoever fucking criminal who did that to me...

FUCK... eeeeh... tangina talaga....

wow.blogthings.

2005-12-04T15:25:00.000+08:00

You Are A Jealous Ex

You're not quite over your past, and you are hurt that your ex is moving onYou're no longer in love, but you're not done with being pissed jealous of any happiness that comes your ex's way, you still can't let go

What Type of Ex Are You?

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain.
You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.That doesn't mean you don't rock out...You just rock out with meaning.For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Candy Cigarettes

You're a total badass, but you don't taste very good.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer
Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda
You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker.While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

The Animal Personality Test

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.Shy and private, you yearn for security.You take relationships slowly. You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Mute Cannibal.
Where You Lived: Egypt.
How You Died: Hung for treason.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

eggs.

2005-11-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

i'm searching for some chicken egg photos for my online transform in biology... geez.. i'm so stupid.. i just knew that an egg is one large cell.... i thought it's made up of many cells... hah! eggs...
oh well.. it's hard to seearch for good photos for my online transform... it sucks.. i've been online for 4 hours now and my dial up connection sucks...
i still have an english homework to accomplish.. i hate mr. watchon.

so yeah..

i've been suffering the pain from my ulcer the whole day today... i just went to the clinic and lied... i told them i have hyper acidity.. not ulcer.. haha... they just gave me this stupid pill... i went home like hmmm... 4:30 plus hours whatsoever...

i puked...

damn...

i hate this... i always puke.. but this time around, it's from a serious cause... shit... hahaha... my tummy walls are torn! YAY!
DIE INNA! DIE!!!

every minute, i puke... i dunno.. my throat starts to hurt... maybe from my tummy acids.. kadiri... yak...
anyway, gagawin ko pa homework... i'll be blogging whenever... i'm too busy... shitness...

ayoko sa pink... kadiri....

at may mga taong nagmamarunong sa html.. LOL.. wow...
ok lang...
at least...

whatelse...

i have no time for myself now... kainis... wala na ngang tulog, pagod pa, may ulcer na, emotionally unstable pa... galing no...

ang hirap...

oh well...

back to my eggs...

diskette.ni.maine.na.may.virus...

2005-11-29T18:17:00.000+08:00

right after the pep thing... straight sa canteen.. heh...

ate kheem and ate ima
ate marion and ate bew [byoo]

absolutely sober.

2005-11-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

vincent.

2005-11-27T12:35:00.000+08:00

i'm bad at everything.
i hate myself.

god... i'm getting crazy like fuck...

i just watch resident evile: apocalypse.
i know it's an old ovie... but i'm a big fan of milla jovovich (?).. or something..
i just forgeot how to spell her name. it's too complicated.. whatsoever...
anyway... damn she's hot. my kind of hmm.. girl... i duno.. sexy girls are my weakness... i
love the abs and the muscular arms and stuff... i like touching firm things so i guess
that's it...
haha..

i wish she were my girlfriend... lol

ugh..

i hate girlfriends... they always play with how i feel. and i become too gullible... i
dunno.. but i don't notice that when i am in love or something.
i really hate it...
i'm crying right now... it's a.. sort of nightly ritual... to cry... nice.. i really don't
get tired doing it... cuz i'm hurt... that's why...

i wanna try valiums again.. shit. i dunno why i', doing this.. i dont wanna do it... wala na
tlga pinatutunguhan yung buhay ko. hindi na nga nagaaral ng matino, puro kagaguhan pa...
I LOST MY FAITH.
i lost all my motivations to do what i should do.

isn't that nice?

&

2005-11-26T12:32:00.000+08:00

i poked the wrong earring hole.
shit.
it's bleeding.

oh well.

i have to get more piercings and stuff. harhar. it's just that i'm broke.

i don't eat lunch in school.. and so i am addicted at starving myself again.

i love losing weight.

i love to get sick

sana maubusan ako ng dugo sa mga ginagawa kong to...

oh well...

my dad is deaf.

he's starting to lose his hearing ability. shit. and he's forgetting things too much... he's old. good lord. why did you let all these things happen...

i hate my life.

all people just play with my feelings.

my parents get all kinds of sickness or whatever shit in the body.

sana inabort na lang ako nung bata ako... i am the only child who deserves to be aborted.

kagabi, umiiyak na naman ako... dahil sa kanya...

i'm forever stuck in this feeling na... tangina. ang hirap.

p! mag. p is for pressure.

2005-11-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

I was asked to write a column about anything... Pressure... I was typing this 2am... I have to send this thingy to Ms. A... Ate Ched rushed us.. But it's okay... I decided to right a features section or whatever... The easiest thing to write about... blah...

REASONS WHY YOU LOVE THE THING YOU HATE: GOING BACK TO SCHOOL
(Inna Panlaque IA - MCBJ, P!Mag Literary Editor)

After experiencing tons of school works during the first semester, who would want to go back to school right after the quite-so-long sembreak (also applicable after those summer vacations)? The top reason why you go back is that your parents paid for your tuition fee. But there are quite more reasons why sometimes, you are able to beat your back-to-school laziness.

1.) Funding
E-VAT, electricity bills, water bill and other bills… It’s good to be practical. Mommy and Daddy never thought you needed money during days that you don’t go to school, since you only stay at home. You won’t get any cash unless you start traveling back to school. Just pray HARD that your parents will give you a monthly bonus or just a little bit of extra. It’s sort of impossible to survive with just 100 Pesos in your wallet, believe it or not (Hello Antipolo and other Rizal area girls… Oh… And hi to those who live farther than those places… Wheeeew!) But still… School means financial subsidy. J

2.) Burning That Fat
It’s fun to sleep 12 to 15 hours (or more) a day without worrying about any deadlines… Then you’re just going to wake up, chug on some junk food, and then watch the television. Yes! We just love satisfying our gastronomical cravings - a couch potato pigging out. You end up gaining additional bellies. Hmm… Reminds me of that Michelin guy I find in automobile customs shops… So the perfect and cheapest way of firming your body is when you walk and climb those towering staircases. Homework, studying and the oven-like feeling your body experiences while doing those activities will help you trim down. Did you know that you loose 100 KCAL/HR while doing assignments, 300 KCAL/HR while walking swiftly and 900 KCAL/HR while running (Based on 150 lb/68 Kg person)? Now that’s a real advantage for latecomers…

3.) Friends, Classmates, Eatmates, Blockmates, Schoolmates, plus the teahers you love so much and errr… Occasionally heh, dislike…
Your second parents try to make your stay in school worth it and fun, though sometimes they let you work sort of 24 hours a day. But you’re really going to benefit from the disciplinary acts (or in a student’s vocabulary = torture) they do on you. But anyway, you have your chummies around. For quite a long atime, you hardly saw them. You can’t tell your parents that you are going to do an “advance” Math project in someone’s house since they know you BARELY loved computing and finding those X’s and Y’s.

4.) The Sirs
The object of inspiration… You weren’t able to see your favorite “Sir” for quite a long time too… Isn’t it nice to walk around the campus then catching a glimpse of *ehem* him? Everyday, you have the opportunity to be in a guess the color of the polo game, what he’s going to wear game and who’s going to do the cute stuff in class game… Or… have a mini debate with a friend because you want to prove that your favorite sir is cuter………

5.) Gain Brains
Who in this world wouldn’t want to study if he or she were given the chance to go to school? We are blessed enough that we’re able to study in a good school. Millions of children can’t afford to study. Education is a simple thing, yet it prepares us how to live independently in this world. You may not like it at times, but it is a very essential thing and you know it.

7

2005-11-17T18:20:00.000+08:00

bleh...

still no replies...

*sigh*

anyways... angel and crisel did a lil ramp model thingy in this gma7 show "kay susan tayo..."
i wasn't able to watch it but i guess that's an awesome thing or whatsoever... so yeah...
i'll be in school tomorrow until hmm.. whatever time... cuz i'll be watching some sort of school play... damn my budget is so fucked up. i pay 15 pesos to my fx ride... LOL...

oh well...
my fuckin heart is still torn apart... i need a taylor to patch me up... haha.. ha-ha...

hmmm... and i knew that there's thing battle of the bands thingy sort of shit... yuss... i want to join... i told myself i would want to do all thingies before i die... that would be really nice...

i'm not inspired to become a DL anymore... i suck at all things... fuck you inna... you're fucking stupid.. like woaaahhh...

i hate everything in my life...

fuck myself... fuck everyone... fuck you...

bullshit...

i'm so fucking tired of everything...

i'm tired of crying every night beofre i go to bed...

can't wait for 2007...

:)

R.I.P.

2005-11-13T20:33:00.000+08:00

khristina anna y. panlaque
born: 0ctober 15, 1987
died: february 14, 2007

ha-ha...very funny...

beautiful.love...

2005-11-07T13:27:00.000+08:00

i still can't escape from this pain i'm feeling... i think i'm gonna carry this for the rest of my life... i can't stop my habit of crying every night before i go to sleep... i always wonder if she still thinks about me... when i remember what her motherfucking pimp "friend" told me that we're just NOTHING, i feel like i want to die... yusss... i really want to die right now... i should've let myself be fucked by some sort of large cock when i was still 12... so i'd get cervical cancer... i really want to die... or perhaps... i'd get aids...
i hated everything eversince i lost half of my life... what am i gonna do with the remaining half if the other part is gone? yeah... recycle... but that's stupid... i don't like recycling... feelings are different from things... other things...
i'm so addicted at hurting myself right now... i guess it's gonna be a big help when i'm gonna finally take my life away from me... i'm seriously thinking about dying... i'm not afraid to die... i dunno... but there are still things that hold me back from pushing through with the idea...

i have a fucking mental disoder...

i know i do...

there are lots of things that i can't have...

i've been busy thinking about things that will help me move on... but shit... i still can't get the hell away from it... hmmm... i wish i'd be able to grow apples in my room... at least i'd be eating on em.... maybe that'd make me a lil bit happy... i guess... or heffalump... i wanna see a real heffalump...

man...

i never gave up on that relationship...

when i give my best at something, i always end up crying...

fuck... i dont deserve to be happy... i really don't... so i don't have any purpose at all in my life... i'm just a crap which came out of a woman's uterus... hmmm... i forgot... c-section pala ako... so yeah... i'm just a crap which was "c-sectioned" out of a woman's womb...

tonight, i just want to scream in my pillow... i've tried doing lots of things to overcome this pain... i broke plates... old glasses... and other stuff... i punched the wall, hit myself, hit my head on the wall, jump towards downstairs from 4 feet up... crossed the street very slowly though cars are going 60 to 90... hmmm... whatelse??? i'm just that desperate to get over with this fucking life i have...

i'm still fucking hurt...

every morning when i wake up, the more i get hurt... each day adds up to the days that we aren't together anymore....

in my funeral, i dunno if people would come if they're gonna find out that i killed myelf... when i'm dead, i like eulogies... really... it's gonna make me smile in my eternal sleep or something... after hearing all those fucking eulogies about me, go take a peek on my face, cuz i'm gonna smile at you... then after my wake, go bring me to a crematorium... i wanna be burned... and take my ashes to where i'm gonna be alone.... just me alone... everything's gone away... even my beautiful love who ran away and looked for something else....

to my favorite girl, whatever happens, always remember that:

htiaf nreiequz, i still can't get you out of my mind... i'll love you forever...

lapdance.

2005-11-05T12:00:00.000+08:00

my shoutbox is... fucked up...

again...

lagi na lang may tanginang database error...
but anyways...

hoy sabog, kumain ka lang ng kumain... i like it that way...

bagay sayo pangalan mo... sabnog... haha...

and wala kang magagawa.... ayoko lang tlga ng maraming iniisip.. hindi na nga ako makatulog... idaan na lang sa inom.. heh... nakakaaddict naman eh... ang saraap maging manhid... wala kang inaalala...

*sigh*

oh well...

________

there's this girl in myspace who messaged me... she's half white and sort of half latina or whatever...
she told me she's in love.. in love with me cuz i have beautiful eyes... like sheeet.. ano yun... sabi niya i've got the prettiest eyes in the whole wrold...

psh...

bola...

hmmm...
anyways.....

i like lapdancing....

slow dirty dancing turns me on...

shit ka kung hindi ka marunong sumayaw...

oh well...

si lelet arellano may bago ng mobile phone!

finally... after 3 years of no-texting...

tangina lelet! titi mo! humahaba!!!

asenso!

hay nako...

at ako naman...

ganito pa rin...

hindi makamove on... ha-ha... (sarcastic haha yun ha...)

i wonder when i'm gonna have a great weekend....

lotsa junk food
porn cds
sex
movie marathon
pizza
caramel sundae
lapdance/dirty dancing
music
guitars
bands
sexy girls
telebabad
mobile-babad
online-babad
my fave girls in my life
friends
alcohol

heh....

if.you.think.i.care.about.you...

2005-11-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

fuck yeah...

just want the whole world to know that:

heffalump.

2005-11-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

ha-ha...

i can't give a real smile right now...
it's hard pretending that i am 100% happy this time...

i'm NOT...

so yeah...

i uploaded that new profile photo...

why?

i was browsing through some css codes at mygen... when i saw that heffalump picture...

what a cute, chunky piece of crap.. or animal.. or picture.. or something...

oh well...

it made me smile... like woahhh...

damn...

i feel like a kid...

i miss doing real smiles...

thanks to heffalump...

i smiled for the first time after a long long long time... :)

msgbox posts... yes.. another happy thing...

heffalump + sabog + other shoutbox posts = :)

happylump.heffalump.plumpelephant...

yak... naulol na naman ako...

bleed...

2005-11-03T11:10:00.000+08:00

late at night
i lay down
lights off
then i close my eyes

i can see you
doing things you want to do
if only i could be there
right there in front of you

feeling helpless
i grab my sheets
tears start falling
drenching my face

all i can do
is just dream about you...
i hope someday,
these dreams would come true...

i grab a sharp object
a pointed edge
a broken heart
which one hurts more
i can feel myself breaking apart...
blood started pouring
a smile on my face,
a suicide letter on my left
and a few more strokes on my right

tears don't heal
time prolongs my agony
hush... you little devil on earth
finally!
you'll be leaving your hell

now say goodbye...

to those who gave you multiple reasons to die.

an old paper journal entry... for my shnookums...

2005-11-03T11:06:00.000+08:00

bumabalik sa aking isipan ang alaalang iyon... masaya... ang tuwa ay higit pa sa kahit anong damdamin na naglalarawan ng walang katapusang kagalakan. dumating na rin ang panahon na hihinto na rin sa wakas ang aking paghahanap...pero magkalayo pa rin tayo. humigit kumulang 2 taon na akong naghihintay... hindi ako nag-iisa. nariyan ka at ako'y nandito... sa tuwing naririnig ko ang boses mo ay nais ko ring maramdaman ang lambing na ipinahihiwatig ng iyong tinig na hahaplos sa aking braso. alam kong hindi mo pa magagawa iyon. nagsimula ang lahat ng hindi ko man lamang nararamdaman ang higpit ng kapit ng iyong kamay... at kahit ganoon, ako'y nandito pa rin... mahigpit ang kapit kahit walang makapitan.... alam kong nararamdaman mo ang aking haplos sa bawat minuto. hindi ko man nahahawakan ang iyong kamay, marami akong nakakapitang mga alaala... sa tuwing tayo'y nag-uusap at naririnig ang iyong tinig, maraming alaala ang nabubuo... ipinangako mo sa akin ang parte ng iyong katawan na nagbibigay buhay sa isang nilalang... sabi mo, akin ang iyong puso... at ganun din naman ang aking ipinangako sa iyo... ako'y naging tapat... sa lahat ng mga nabuong pagsasama sa aking buhay, sayo ako naging seryoso at naging lubos na tapat. dahil alam kong karapat-dapat lamang na maging ganoon ang pagtrato ko sa isang taong katulad mo na napakahalaga sa aking panahong inilalagi sa mundong ibabaw.
isang araw ay napagusapan nating maghinay-hinay muna sa mga pangyayari... ayaw mong umasa... naintindihan ko... pero ako'y patuloy pa rin sa pagiging tapat sa iyo... walang ipinagbago...nakalulungkot isipin, ngunit susndin ko kung ano ang gusto mo at kung saan ka komportable...
nung isang buwan ay dapat na nakatakdang panahon na uuwi ka na... ngunit dahil sa mga kaunting pagbabago ay nagkaroon tayo ng myutwal na desisyon na maghanap ng tamang petsa ng iyong paglipad pauwi.
ayokong isipin mo na hindi talaga tayo nakatakdang magkita dahil wala itong sapat na patunay...
sa isang taon na ang nakatakdang panahon at naplanong taon ng iyong pagbabalik (SANA)... at sa ngayon ay taimtim akong nagdarasal na hindi maudlot ang pinakahihintay na araw. hindi na sana makansela ang iyong tiket... :(
minsan, iniisip ko na sana, matuyo na ang karagatan...
marami akong plano sa aking buhay at may plano ako para sa atin... ngunit nasabi mo na huwag muna tayong magplano dahil magiging masakit kung hindi matutuloy ang mga ito...sabihin man nating malupit ang tadhana, inamin mo sa akin na dito ka na lamang umaasa... sana lang ay huwag kang magpaapi at magpaalipin sa iyong paniniwala...sa araw na ito, magsisimula ang daan ko patungo sa iyong kinalalagyan.... mahirap at medyo matagal ang daan na aking tatahakin... sana lang ay makapaghintay ka pa ng humigit-kumulang na 4 na taon... marami pang bukas ang aking gigisingin tuwing umaga... patungo na ako diyan... kaunting panahon na lamang at malapitna ako sa iyong kinalalagyan...
kung magbago man ang iyong isip kapag dumating na ang pinakadulong bukas na aking hinihintay, aaminin ko na sasama ang aking loob...
pero ipinangako na naman sa iyo noon...
gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyo...
kung mauuwi rin sa wala ang lahat ng aking pinagpaguran, sadyang ako lang siguro ang taong ipinanganak na pinagkaitan ng kaligayahan..................

2nd sem schedule...

2005-10-27T17:28:00.000+08:00

my new sched

yeah... just click on that link...
i'm gonna go to school tomorrow cuz my paulthenics class has the same sched with my nstp... so i'm gonna change it to a new one: wednesday, 3:00 to 4:30 pm...

my new sched sucks... 2nd sem, ang daming chibog breaks pero hapon naman lagi uwian ko... rawrrr...

but anyways my biological science and logic classes have no schedules and rooms yet...

catech 120 rev and faith in jesus christ
eng 122 writing in the discipline
fil 112 pagbasa at pagsulat sa iba't ibang disiplina
it 121 software application
philo 101 logic
nsc 102 biological science
socsc 112 general psychology
pe 120 rhythmics and aquatics
pat 102 paulinian women - euthenics
nstp 120 nta'l service training program 2 - euthenics

i have no math subjects... pero merong math involved dun sa it subject ko for sure... at yung logic.. tanginang yan.. debate na naman ba yan???
shit..

hehehehe

bahala na...

try ko lang magaral ng matino... hehehe
try ko lang... tinatamad na kasi ako....

shit... grades...

2005-10-26T12:57:00.000+08:00

math 101 - 2.25
fil 111 - 2.25
catech 110 - 2
nsc ecology 101 - 2
paulthenics 101 - 1.5
pe 110 - 1.5

eng 101 nstp, socsci317 wala pa yung mga classcards dun...

and ms. jayvee told me that somebody got my classcard in english... at sino naman kumuha nung sakin???

tangina.. nacucurious tuloy ako kung ano grade ko...

hayyy nako...

mag-aaral na nga ako next sem... mom told me she's not satisfied with my grades...

tanginang buhay nga naman!!! leche!!! punyeta!!! hehehehe...

2005-10-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

lelet's mother knew that i am lelet's girlfriend.

lelet's mother called my dad.

lelet's mom (LM): san nagpunta anak mo?
dad: nagpunta na ng school...

lelet's mom called my mom

LM: tomboy ba yang si inna?
mom: hindi tomboy yung anak ko...

then the heated conversation started...

mom told me that lelet's mom raised her voice... good thing my mom is very patient and sanay sa mga ganong klaseng usapan dahil sa work niya... my mom isn't braggy with what we have... im glad she remains humble and stuff....

when my mom told me what lelet's mom told her, my mom was teary-eyed then she cries... lalo na nung sinabi niyang pinagbintangan akong lesbian ng mommy ni lelet....

it really broke my heart and i cried too... but im glad my mom can easily understand...

ay nako... ayoko na magkwento... nakakadepress....

:'(

2005-10-20T11:46:00.000+08:00

i had a dream... not really a dream...
it was more of a nightmare...

i was in this sort of place... and there were people being dragged by large men... i can see those poor victims' bodies being scraped off... their knees skinned, and their faces all filled with tears...
i looked at my right, and i saw a man being chopped off into two... beside him was this other man... he was being poked and pierced with this large stick by two notorious-looking men... he was screaming like he wants to puke out everything inside of him... then there he goes, barfing blood and he was still screaming... i can't bear the pain he's experiencing and so i looked at my left... i saw a river... there were garbage bags floating... it looks like a typical river in manila... the water is black and it really looks dirty... i saw someone thrown down and the ugly water splashed and some droplets reached my feet... it was a woman... her upper lip was sort of chopped off... like it was parted into two... she was bleeding... i saw her looking straight in my eyes and i saw tears dropping from her right eye... i dunno why i looked at her for so long... i started crying when i saw her pityful condition... the woman was asking help from me... i can see her distorted lips mumbling help... after a few moments, her body started sinking until i can't see any part of her body anymore... i can smell blood all over... smells like rusty iron... i hate it... then other dead bodies are thrown in the river too... i can't take it anymore....

then i woke up...

good lord... it was just a nightmare...
i wanted to vomit after i woke up...
i'm having bad dreams lately...

i'm surprised, nagigising pa ko the next day...

i'm always scared now when i go to bed... :(

*

2005-10-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

my perfect sky is all torn.

jooozkupow...

2005-10-02T18:18:00.000+08:00

people who become part of my life will never ever be forgotten... i am glad that i shared a part of my life with them... well NOT them... sa isang tao lang naman... i don't consider the other 2 people as people who made a mark in my book...

thank you for everything...

hopefully, this is not the end of everything...

.....

one day, inna lost everything she has...

then suddenly, a repairman appeared out of nowhere...

"i will fix you... cuz you're broken..." he said...

people.come.and.go...

2005-10-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

wherever.YOU.are...i.hope.you'd.always.remember.
how.i.tell.you.that.you.always.bring.out.the.best.in.me...
for.13.months.at.least.i've.realized.how.it.is.to.have.a.taste.of.
real.happiness...
i've.learned.how.to.be.everything.you.wanted.me.to.be...
and.now...YOU...who.made.me.experience.the.
happiest.moment.in.my.life.will.also.be.
the.one.who's.going.to.let.me.know.how.it.feels.like.to.be.at.the.lowest.
point.of.my.own.story...
I.LOVE.YOU...
i.was.wishing.that.i.could.stay...
if.only.you'd.allow.me.to...
but.i.respect.the.decisions.you.make...
right.now.we.have.reached.the.end.of.the.road...i.hope.this.new.path.
we.chose.will.lead.us.into.something.better...
YOU'LL.ALWAYS.BE.MY.SHNOOKUMS...
AND.I'LL.ALWAYS.BE.YOUR.MONKEYROOH... :'(
i'll.be.here.for.you.no.matter.what.until.the.end...
i.am.all.smashed.up.into.pieces...
but.i.know...all.this.pain.will.be.gone...
YOU.ARE.AND.WILL.FOREVER.BE.MY.
FAVORITE.SCAR...

tonight...

2005-09-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

happy 14th month anniversary to no one...

hindi talaga nananadya yung araw no...

putangina...

i wish i'd die right now...

dear god... wala naman po akong ginagawang masama... bakit kailangan niyo pang gawin 'to sa 'kin...

tonight, i'll sit in my room...

i'll wait for death to come and fetch me...

today...i.fucking.hate.everything...

2005-09-26T12:13:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i typed in this blog...

i thought i'd be typing a happy stuff after a long long while...

i dunno... i'm just here to vent the pain i'm feeling right now...

i knew that these things will happen... i knew it will happen but i have no idea how to stop it from happening...
i've been crying for days now... i've been telling myself that i won't stop from crying til my tears run dry... i'm trying my best to be okay again... but it will take me a long time to heal... i've never been so fucking heart broken... i've been in previous relationships before but all those were just stupid flings...

man... this is worse than rejection...

i believe that this is the best moment to die... i was asking my god why isn't he taking me yet... im praying so hard that i'd die right in the here of now... i just hope that buddha hears me too... i was thinking, buti pa yung mga patay, walang nararamdaman... nakahiga lang... bumabalik sa lupa... lahat ng sugat nawawala... walang pumapansin... at kahit ganun, wala na rin silang paki...

i've given my best in my current broken vow... i guess i've loved her too much... i didn't care about anything else...

hindi ko namamalayan isa na pala akong tanga...

i've been trying to hold on with our relationship... like my fucking goodness... i love her too much... i love her more than anything else...

god!! why did you let all these things to happen to me??? if all you can do is take my everything away from me, then sana, binawi mo na lang buhay ko... nahihirapan lang kasi ako...
but anyways, i am still thanking you for this gift i have to withstand physical pain i do to my ownself... at least, i can lessen the pain in my heart... it makes me go crazy and all...

the person i'm so fucking willing to give up everything is now gone...

tanginang yan... pare... BUHAY KO INAGAW SAKIN...

wala na siguro akong magagawa...
hindi ko alam kung bubuksan ko pa tong puso ko for other opportunities...

the person who can make me happy and who can bring out the best in me was the one who made me realize and experience the loneliest point in my fucking life...

buti pa yung hayop... kahit kani-kanino na lang sumasama... bakit kaya yung mga tao hindi ganun? puro kahayupan na lang man din pinaggagagawa ng mga tao... siguro it's proper to say na ma offend ka kung tatawagin kang TAO...

putangina...

i'm begging someone... anybody... to take this pain away...

the only thing inside my head rght now is that i still love her... nothing has changed.... faith will always be my baby girl that i wanted to marry someday...

the pain i'm feeling right now can never be compared to another person's experience and stuff...

i need my drug back... :'(

i feel so empty and depressed... i wasn't able to eat for half a day and until now... i barf everything i eat... my body rejects everything... that's how i'm fucking affected right now... but i'll try my best to be back to normal or something...

tomorrow, when i go to school, i'll pretend that nothing happened... though deep inside, i'm still burning... i don't like people looking at me at my worst... cuz i am at my worst right now...

so help me god and buddha...

maraming nagsasabi, immature ako at times... isip-bata... pero hindi ako bata magmahal...

i have forgiven people involved who hurt me... bahala na ang diyos sa kanila... sa kanya o kung kanino man...

but still...

today... and i guess... for the rest of my life... i fucking hate everything...

some hate stuff...

2005-08-31T21:53:00.000+08:00

i do agree that there are lots of immature people even though they're old enough to live on their own...

hana is 20. i am 17. why do i have to be the person who should be making efforts to bring back our friendship? well i am not making a move yet... well i WON'T make a move... i believe that she's trying to reconcile with me... so she'd be able to use me again.... she's gonna abuse my kindness and stuff like that... yes i will accept that offer... but not now... i am not yet ready to accept that.. i am still pissed off... as in big time... ayoko kasing makipagplastikan... kung ayaw ko pa.. ayoko talaga...

i'm really hard to be negotiated with when you try to piss me off or something... if you're just a friend of mine who uses me for what i can do for their personal satisfaction or wahtever shit in life...

oh well...

i feel ok recently...

i love the people who are with me right now and those people who continue supporting me for everything that i do...

and i love faith so much... :)

Alley 22 (?)

boobooh.. is that correct? lol!

good luck with your new band eh? :D and don't stick to m.y.m.p. like woaaah... play other genre... i'm sick of m.y.m.p.
like people everywhere are singing m.y.m.p. stuff...

oh well...

nais ko muna maglabas ng sama ng loob...

fuck you peole who take advantage of my fucking kindness!!! you guys are so fucking ugly and stupid! i'll make sure that all of you will go down and be sipped until you reach cocytus! you deserve to be with nero and judas! fuck you people! if i am kind, that doesn't mean that i'll be kind forever! everything has limits! and i can reach my own limit too!
so fuck you if you're attempting to test my patience right now...

i hate poseurs.. just be yourself and i will love you for who you are and i will take care of you... i won't treat you differently... i don't care if you wear the most stupid label in the world... i like you and i love you for who you are and what you're showing to me...

you see...

i love simple people who can appreciate little efforts and little things...

brag if you're rich... i won't talk to you...

rawrr...

rich poseurs...

yes i do admit i'm just one of the average families in the philippines... i don't brag about my stuff... and i am happy with that... you won't be able to tell me to wear stuff that u want me to so people would know that you hang out with a bunch of RKs... oh well...

fawwk...

i'm getting depressed about this...

hmmm...

hello babyboohbooh...

i miss you...

i'll tell you about this person i hate when we talk again...

she sucks...

lol!!!

gnyt.

.

2005-08-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

i know that i have this modular test tomorrow in math.
i do suck in math and i have to study.

but i can't help feeling bad... really bad...
there are so many things that happened during the past weeks... parang nakakawalang gana kapag naiisip ko yung mga bagay-bagay na talagang nakakapag-init ng dugo.
hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makaget over sa pagka culture shock ko. i don't like the people around me that much... not really my blockmates but schoolmates. hindi ko trip yung karamihan. there lots of poseurs existing at every corner of st. paul university quezon city. so far so good but not that good as in good na satisfied ako. ang good (sa tingin ko) na yan ay applicable lamang sa ibang mga bagay tulad ng mga subjects na i do well in class.

midterm test paper grades:
english - 40/50
math - 21/30 (84.6)
earth science and ecology - 40/50 (86.70)

oh well...

thinking about things in school makes me feel depressed.
ate trisha tardecillas was snatched by some person. and in her bag, people can find this notebook for our campus radio plans. my contact numberSSSS were listed there... and so...

there's this girl named ruby who called my house... my dad answered telling him that my i.d. is lost.. like wtf... my i.d. is with me... that ruby thought i own the bag.. only to find out it's ate trisha's... and the news even reached the school... well good thing her stuff were recovered... my dad will get the things tomorrow and i will bring it to school whenever to give it to ate trisha.

commuting kasi... hassle... at kanina na-stranded pa kami sa katipunan station... good thing meng and i found each other... right at the lrt overpass near dee liong hwa whatever academy. when we got in the train, everything went fine and stuff like that... and the moment the train left santolan terminal station, the lights inside the train suddenly turned off and the train stopped like woahh... whatever... sumubsob kaming lahat papuntang harap. masakit yun... and the train totally lost its acceleration stuff at katipunan station. we were stranded for 30 minutes. like good thing that undergraound station is lined up with a/c units at the ceiling... not really a/c units but some sort of ventilation dents... ace, meng, karmyl and i were waiting for 35 minutes or so... sooooper late na kami sa first class namin. kaya naisipan na namin lumabas ng katipunan station... at ang daming tao.. nakakapikon talaga... kaya napa-taxi kami ng wala sa oras... i attended the last few minutes of my catech101 class... at nainterrupt pa dahil dun nga sa snatch thingy... but it's okay... evrything went fine... curse that snatcher. and bless the person who recovered the pack of ate trisha.

i missed a phone call from my baby...

i feel like i am a failure... i can feel that there's really something wrong with her right now... whatever is that, i've been dying to know about that dati pa... i've been feeling awkward or something last last week... i dunno if that has soomething to do w/ my baby.. but everything that i feel, it always coincide with whatever is happening on her end.
parang instinct or something... baby i'm so sorry i wasn't able to answer your call... gusto ko nang magkausap tayo ng matino. sobrang namimiss na kita kahit sa school hindi ko man namamalayan na umiiyak na ako o kaya tumulo na pala luha ko...

miss na kita baby... :(

kanina nakauwi ako ng 9:30... napahagulgol talaga ako sa bed ko before i ate dinner... i dunno why... i guess i just feel bad... while commuting this morning nangingiyak ako... yung driver nakatingin sakin... kasi namumula ilong ko... buti na lang di napansin ng iba... but anywa, miss na miss na kita baby ko... :(

please tell me what's wrong..

i am so worried about you...

-_-

2005-08-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

i feel so empty...

.....

i need you baby right now...

wish we could talk soon...

another.pic.

2005-08-19T12:43:00.000+08:00

hmmm... i wasn't that prepared... just say cheese cuz your photo will be taken.. shit. i didn't even comb my hair or fix my top. i look fat. and look, there's chuckie.

a photoshopped photo from aan aquino... what a hair... halatang di ako nagsuklay...

just click the photos for better resolution.. they can't fit in my blog layout so i made em smaller...

a pic!!!

2005-08-14T20:43:00.000+08:00

look at those stupid girls behind... LOL! i'm bad at making faces... :p

fawwwk

2005-08-12T17:07:00.000+08:00

People tell me stuff that i don't like when i do things that they cannot appreciate. Like what the fuck is that... if you can't appreciate the things i do, then fuck off! simple things aren't biggies. it's just another shit that you always encounter everyday. cuz all you people only know how to please your ownselves. so what you people make me do is just keep quiet at one corner trying to make myself calm down like nothing happened. call me rude or whatsoever fucking word you want to call me. you're also just another shit on earth you bitch!

i feel bad studying with a bunch of rotten eggs. but oh well... i don't want to waste my time over those who don't know anything about how i want things to be. or whatever.

geeeez... sometimes, i just love hating people... i was born to hate... hate everyone except a few people who are worthy enough of good compliments and other stuff...

HUMANS ARE STUPID AND WHATEVER UGLY SHIT RELATED TO THAT WORD.

damn... i always notice those people who wear those ipod earphones with LOUD, really LOUD music playing... like gawwwd... they look stupid with it... just to tell people that they can buy such, they will wear it and play it as loud as they can though the fx driver plays another thing in his own radio inside the vehicle... well i don't care if you have ipods or not.. like people who ride the lrt2 trains don't care if you are a techie or something... oldies don't care about ipods ayways and people who commute are too busy thinking about other stuff... yes i do notice those STUPID ipod users... but i don't care about them... it's just that they're too annoying... and they are invading the entire society like woahhh... hmmm... lemme guess... installment??? shit. get a life shitheads...

hmmm.. another thing.. those icky cellphones... my goodness... some people are even "inventing" what they want to do with it... They're gonna get it from their pockets, then they'd start speaking like damn... and you would realize he/she isn't really talking to another party.. hmmm... they wanna show off their prone-to-snatching phones. hmmm.. anywas,if you want a camera, then go get a digital camera.. if you want a radio, go get a radio. cellphones are for communicating to other people who are located far from your end... :-?
i just hate seeing those people pose like there's no tomorrow when they take pictures in public using their phone... i know it isn't bad.. but filipinos are over acting... like shit... get over that stuff you do cuz you look ugly no matter what kinds of pose you do... bullshit will be forever bullshit...

people are too insensitive really... i've been riding public transpo for almost 3 months now.. and i notice the things i typed a lot. filipinos are so so so so so into their pagmamayabang and stuff... even though they won't have any cash for food, as long as they have things which will make their neighbors jealous, they're really into it...

how immature...

but yeah... i love being a filipino...

it's just that i hope i am acting the way a filipino is supposed to act... i have manners... even in those public transpos...

my gawwd... filipino men are so impolite... when they see a woman with a child with her or old people, men don't volunteer themselves to give their seats away... and so one time, i have to stand up and let 5 stations pass... i never sat until i reached gilmore station cuz of that poor mommy plus her child... and men just DON'T really care!!! they were all there sitting down, looking at me and i was looking back at them, while my eyes are saying: FUCK YOU MAN! CAN'T YOU SEE I AM A GIRL AND DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT WOMAN? SHE NEEDS A SEAT!"

oh well...

i guess the social norm right now is: if you do bad stuff, the cooler you are...

hmmm...

shit...

how sad...

hmmm.. they think it's uncool to be good... or something...

and if ever being uncool will be cool when time comes, all i can tell them is that I WAS UNCOOL BEFORE UNCOOL WAS COOL.

man...

shitheads.

today is august 3

2005-08-03T19:11:00.000+08:00

whoever said that finding the person who can make you feel good is easy is just another shit talker or something...
tae ka. lol!
anyways...
just wanna say something about my baby... :)
can't help typing some stuff...
cuz i was feeling bad the whole day.. since yesterday actually... it's something to do with my mom...she was jealous of my friends and faith as well... i guess she just brought up that topic cuz she had a bad day at work... and so bleh... she made me cry last night.. and i was so tired. i feel asleep. so i had to wake up early this morning to finish my collage shit. i'm glad i was able to cut stuff from those crappy magazines and all... and i realized that i am so so so good at pasting cut stuff or whatever.. lol! i was doing it fast. but my work turned out beautiful... woehhh... lol!

oh well... the day today was very shitty... our p.e. teacher got mad for i dunno what reason... then i was stuttering a bit during the campus radio thing... going on air at first was difficult.. i was so nervous. my hands were shaking like woah... but it was okay.. it's just that i dunno how to speak the DJ-ish kinf of filipino... i only know how to speak in filipino if it is (1) formal speaking/debates; (2)"kanto" filipino or the "balbal" words... i can't speak in filipino the way they want it. cuz we speak differently at home... mom speaks a lil bit of formal filipino... or let's just say, we speak "TAGALOG" at home.. meaning, we use deep words and stuff... not those evolved words or something...

omg... i think i'll stick to my guitar this august... i'll be the dj when september comes.. promise.. lol!

my tummy was empty the whole day... :( i'm glad that i went home with kim... so when we got down at the santolan terminal station, we bought this cheese waffle for 10 pesos... :D it was so so so uberly yurrrmy... and i got this green tea thing (my favorite) for my drink or someting... :p teehee... my gawwwwd... i am inlove with waffles now... when i was eating that thing, it was still hot or whatever... heeeee... i guess it'd be better if i'm gonna eat that with my baby... :p heeeee.... and i'm pretty sure she's gonna like that one too... so i went home with a lil bit of smile... i really dunno if mom is still mad at me during that time... but yeah.. what a coincidence, when i got down the fx thing, then crossed the road, i saw my mom walking... i called her "mommy!" then she looked at me and i'm glad that she isn't mad anymore... and i know she wanted to reconcile with me and i know she realized that she's a bit wrong about getting jealous with my friends and all... she brought home a box of doughnuts... lol!

it's her way of saying that she is not jealous of my friends anymore...

there are things thatt only my friends can understand that i can't tell her... and i know that she knows that faith is the only person who can make me smile and happy no matter what... and she knows that i am not comparing her with faith... i never told mom that i dont need her... yes i do need her... and the love i show for both people are different...

hmmm... something to ask myself: if i were to chose between my mom and faith, who would i choose?
this is a hard question... pressure... i guess, the only thing i'm going to do with this is just cry... but i guess i'd rther give up myself for both people... i love them so much... both of them...

making use of an example: like cutting myself... if someone tells me to cut myself for them, i am going to do it.

la lang...

when i tell you i love you, i really love you.

faith baby, i miss you so much

when you get back here baby, may i use your shoulder for me to have a good cry or something? i have lots of things to tell you... and i want you to be the person who will comfort me with about everything that made me feel bad.

i will hug piglet tonight.
i hope my hugs reach you through piglet's clumpiness.. lol!
i am sorry if i wasnt able to answer my phone when you wanted to talk to me. i feel bad at myself. i'm always not available to answer your calls. :( though i really want to... it's just that my teacher is inside the classroom... alam ko naman na alam mo na sasagutin ko yun... i'm sorry for that baby.
i love you so much. and im sorry.

i love you faith. :)

happy.1.year.boobooh...+besty!!!

2005-07-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

i am so blessed with a girl who's got everything i'm looking for in a person...

i've been loving you for more than a year is we didn't start on counting last july 27, 2004...

i never got tired of liking you and missing you like hell... i told myself i don't need someone else and i don't really need another person cuz you're the only one who makes me feel good all the time...

i'm excited to receive a hug from you... and i want to kiss you right away the moment you step on the land where i am right now...

my gawwd baby... you're theeee hotness... lol!

gusto ko matutulog ka sa room ko... i will cook for you... or we can cook together... lol! basta... i'll spoil you babyboobooh...

love na love kita...

you know what, i'm more of doing some physical stuff to show my sweetness...
sorry baby kung aanga-anga at parang ewan ako madalas...

but you know what babe, i'm able to do things that i've never done before cuz of you... thanks for inspiring me all of the time...

and i am telling you... i don't want to share your slot in my heart with any other people...

i want you to be my first and my last as well... i swear i love you more than anything else in this world...

i seriously want to spend forever beside you...

i really mean that thing...

sometimes, i'm thinking that saying i love you isn't enough... i need more than that for me to tell what i feel for you...

thanks for being my inspiration and strength everytime i feel weak and helpless... just the thought of you fills me up with lots of encouragement...

pauulanan kita ng sangkatutak na huggles and squeezums and kissles... wehhh.. hehehe... pero totoo yan...

i have lots of things to tell you but pag kausap na kita, parang hindi na ako makapagsalita... alam ko naman na lama mo na kung ano yung mga gusto kong sabihin sayo...

i'm so so so so so so excited na makauwi ka na ulit baby... :)

i love you more than much...

i love you baby :-*

noe!!!! i miss you besty!!! happy1 year... lol!!! good luck sa uste.. kaya mo yan!!! <3

p!.news.mag...

2005-07-18T18:39:00.000+08:00

gawwwd....

i left the house at quarter to 11 a while ago... then i was in school 11:35... i'm scared really... cuz i'm the only paulinian in the lrt2 train... but anyways, i was just too early... but i was just in time for the p! news mag meeting... FIRST OFFICIAL MEETING ever...

and so... i didn't know... I AM THE LITERARY EDITOR OF THE CAMPUS PAPER... when ite ched called my name, i was sooooo scared.... and i was sooooo surprised... and then ate lexa and the rest of the older batches started calling me and cheering me up! lol! i was a bit shaking but i'm alright... hehehehe... people are too nice... and being a literary head means i carry the most responsibilty in our section of the paper... i can call for meetings for our group whenever i want especially if needed.... and i have to meet up with ate ched all the time... sheeeez... medyo mahigpit pa naman si ate ched sa mga deadlines... at unang trabaho ko ay mangolekta ng org. fee... 100 pesos iyon... sheeeeet... i'm nervous... but excited as well...dahil kahit older batches ay under pa rin sa aking authority pagdating sa mga literary stuff... lol! oh well...

lord god help me... buddha grant me luck...

pshk...

excited na akong mag-org pin :D

sana meron kaming org pin... yay!

oh well... balak ko ring magsulat ng news... pwede naman siguro iyon... gusto ko kasing umasenso ang aking posisyon sa org ko... at sasali pa ako sa campus radio... eeeek... bibo kid na nga ako recently...

so my day today was so so so so GREAT.... talking to my baby girl ng magsisimula pa lagn ang araw ko ay masaya! lol! i feel good hearing her voice... so my day started with lots of smile and laughs because of her...

lalo na dun sa mediterranean pizza smell niyang winiwika... lol! sheeet... natatawa na naman ako dito mag-isa... LOL! mali pa ata spelling ko... be, correct mo na lang... lol! at next time baby, wag mong i-hold ang phone... >:P
gusto kong marinig... ok lang naman yun eh... :p

oh well...

pinakamasaya kang kausap sa phone baby... lol! and yeah... i still love you even if it smels like arabo or something... whataver you call that... lol!

i am in love with THE USED songs recently... lol!

so yeah...

nanggigigil na naman ako sayo boobooh... *pinches your butt*

you are soooooo adorable.... *kisses*

i'm so excited to kiss you when you go back here na... :p
i'll spoil you pag-uwi mo.... :-*

i love you!

uber.sucky...

2005-07-15T19:38:00.000+08:00

i feel terrible today...

that's all i can say...

i dowanna type something long right now...

cuz i might cry... sa sobrang inis...

oh well...

i'm gonna give ate tammy some token of appreciation... wehhh... she's too sweet and too nice... one of the kindest ate officers i met... ganun din si ate trisha... :)

i miss you booh... i have lots of things to tell you :(

funny...i.think...

2005-07-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

sheeet... ang sakit na ng tummy ko kakatawa...

eto alam ko ang corny pero tawang-tawa ako... lol!

tanga...

(T.T)

2005-07-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

*sigh*
i just got my uniforms a while ago... it was fucking terrible... cuz i had to carry it til i got home this afternoon... so my pack was like a big chunk of iron ball... then i was carrying my p.e. stuff too...

as usual, hana was there first... waiting for us in the gym... yea she ate a lot... she tole me to squeeze the fats she gained during that time... and my goodness... she dang ate a lot! lol! i squeezed her tummy fatness and it's too soft... :-/ well i don't have any right to laugh at her cuz i'm turning again into a bochog... lol! but after fitting my skirt (uniform), i lost weight... my waistline is back to the 26 to 27 to 28 range... cool... but i do eat a lot... maybe from commuting and walking long distances...

and my chunky face became less chunky... lol!

jyungki's korean friend speaks VERY WELL in filipino...
lol!
i'm so so so impressed...

anyways...

i do miss a lot of people every time i go to room404 where i see my blockmates...

ma-mon = looks like mem
lelet = (especially the eye part) looks like faith
hana = ka-ugali ni faith
jackie m. = ka-ugali ni michi
and other anonymous students = mga kahawig ng mga dati kong schoolmates...

:(

i do hope that maine will never ever catch me teary-eyed... cuz i really do miss the people close to my heart when i see those look alikes...

kaya naiilang akong kausapin si lelet... naluluha kasi ako.. lol! as in lalo na dun sa picture na pinakita sa akin ni tep, nagulat ako... parang maputing version ni faith... my gawwwd...

but anyway, wala pa rin talagang hihigit sa mukha ni faith no.. love ko yan.. hehehehe... kahit may kalook alike, siya pa rin pinakamaganda sa kanilang lahat... :)

piglet is not clumpy anymore... his fur is back to normal...

do pigs have ermmm fur?

oh well..

si piglet abnormal na baboy..

but i love him soooo much! lol!

*inna squeezes piglet*

----

ang bait-bait talaga ni ate tammy... sabihin daw ba kay ate trisha na ako ang substitute niya sa production committee ng masscomm this friday!!! my gawd!

pero ok lang...

ate jess and ate lexa were impressed at our masscomm icon work... lol!

----

i just noticed na si hana lang ang ayaw magpatawag ng "ate" lol!

|+_)(*&^%$#@!~

2005-07-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

sana di na lang pala ako umasa... hindi pala seryosong sagot yun sa tawag ko kahapon... :(

kaya ngayon, hindi tuloy ako makapag-aral para sa filipino class tomorrow.. may graded recitation pa man din.. pero ok lang... gaguhan na lang ng sagot bukas...

nakakawalang gana...

all those things that i should resolve with you today??? lalong nagpatong-patong...

lalong bumigat feeling ko...

hindi ako makapag-aral ng matino...

inaamin ko naiinis ako sayo ngayon... pero pag lalong tumagatagal yung pag-iisip ko sayo, hindi ko matiis eh... nawawala inis ko... pero asar pa rin talaga ako...

i am so disappointed at you... VERY disappointed...

and i am SOOOO SOOO SOOOOO HURT as well.. :`(

minsan, iniisip ko, pinaglalaruan mo lang yung mga seryosong bagay na sinasabi ko sayo.. kahit minsan ko lang gawin yun pagtawag sayo... binasta-basta mo lang... seryoso ako sa mga sinasabi ko, tapos ngayon, yung mga sinabi mo, hindi mo naman ginawa...

lagi ka na lang may excuse pagdating sa mga bagay na madaling gawin...

kahit ako, alam ko na marami rin akong excuses noon.. pero ginagawa ko naman lahat ng gusto mo kahit gaano kahirap...

ikaw, hiling ko lang naman, kausapin ka o simpleng text or reply man lang sayo agad... dahilan mo lagi kang inaantok...

text lang naman yun... text lang...

hindi ako humihiling ng kahit ano na higit pa sa makakaya mo...

sorry kung puro ganito sinusulat ko... masama lang talaga loob ko sayo...

pero mawawala rin to...

KUNG...

makakapag-usap tayo ng matino... :(

now i understand how your other band member's girl feels...

but i am not and will never ever deprive you of your right to do what you want.

sir.vin.confisticates...

2005-07-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

i'm home now... and i'm broke... lol!

i got my ear pierced today... and i will... again... next week... lol!

bonding kami ni maine kanina... masaya... with jackie and angel (the other angel blockmate)

geeez...

ang kulit kulit pa ni hana kanina... pisil ng pisil sa mga taba ko... sheeet... magkakapasa ako nito eh.. lol! pero ok lang... gumaganti ako... nangungurot ako ng braso... heheehhehe... masmasakit pa sa mga pagpisil niya...
and bwiset na nstp yan... 85 students pagkakasiyahin sa isang classroom??? pucha... tapos sabi pa ng teacher, kailangan daw by next week may seat plan kmai! sheeet anong mga kagaguhan yan??? sabi pa niya magshare na lang kami ng seats... 2 person = 1 seat... wtf... lol! nagpapatawa ba siya...

at kanina, yang sir vin na yan, nakakita ng nagtetext sa klase... sabi niya:

"keep that phone away... because next time i see it, i will confisticate it!"

pucha... confisticate??? lol! my gaaaaaaaad... pinipigilan ko na lang tawa ko... tapos si nikki, humarap pa sakin, nanlaki ang mata sabay tawa... sheeet... tapos yung katabi ko pa tanong ng tanong "ano daw?? huh? ano???"

my god... what a day...

i'm soooo excited to talk to my booh later.. i hope we'd be able to talk...

and i saw her pictures on her latest gig...

dyahe.

2005-07-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

sigh...

i'm soooo tired...

and parang i am enjoying school... kahit na maraming mga bano... lol! masaya naman karamihan sa mga tao... lalo na mga ka-blockmates ko... :D i like all of them...

so... while we were on our way to lrt 2 station, (angel, maine, me) habang nandun pa kami sa aurora blvd, may biglang nag throw ng white rose sa labas ng window ng vehicle, tapos nilabas yung ulo at sinabi, para sa amin daw yun... sa paa naming tatlo tumalsik yung white rose... lol! scary... baka nanggaling sila sa isang funeral or something.. lol! oh well... weird people are everywhere...

my tummy is sooo satisfied.. i heart corn soup a lot... heeee...

ang daming paulinians na nagyoyosi... mga bano... shet... lol! baka mamatay ako bago ako makagraduate... :-

oh well... hate ko talaga mga smokers...
heh

sorry...

i gotta go muna...

my tummy hurts... i'm too acidic recently...

i miss my booh...

love you faith, my lilcupcake... :)

yak...hehe...

2005-07-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!"

yayness.

2005-07-08T19:37:00.000+08:00

yay!
finally! may org na ako!

ate ched sent me a text message one night and she tole me about the screening...
i went to the screening session from 4:30 to 6:00 pm a while ago... and i am soooo surprised that she announced to us that we're now official members of p! new magazine! like wtf!?!?! i'm not dreaming!!! LOL!!! my gawwwd! i'm happy about that one... and guess what? I AM THE PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER of p! hehehehe... god and buddha, help me... lol! pressure to dood... pressure talaga... mag-auaudition pa nga pala ako sa campus radio thing... wooohooo.. sa tuesday... yay!

oh well...

takot ako kay dr. mcrae...

and i saw new photos of my baby... she's fawking hawt... hell yeah! lol! super sexy.. and those pics are freaking funny... lol!

i want to talk to her already... i miss her a lot :(

love you baby :-*

heeee :D

sumthnabeexytidabt

2005-07-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

yay!

thank you god and buddha for answering my prayers.. hmmm my "another" prayer...

i finally found the thing i'm looking for! :p

a.very.depressing.place...

2005-07-07T19:52:00.000+08:00

my goodness gracious!
we ate at this fucking cheap food house or whatever fuckinh dhit you call that motherfucking place... i am just so fucking annoyed right now cuz i smell like i smoked a fucking cigarette stick... yun pala ang tambayan/yosihan ng mga bwiset na mga babaeng naninigarilyo...

I SWEAR I WILL NEVER EVER EAT INSIDE THAT FUCKING PLACE AGAIN!!!

ang mahal pa ng food eh... kapiranggot lang mapupunta sayo... tapos yung place, props lang talaga ang a/c unit... talagang, matakot ka na kung gumana ang a/c dun... *kinakalawang na... mga dalawang dekada na siguro yung age nung a/c na yun*

ate tammy is soooo nice... :)

i just noticed na nagiging suki na ako ng drinking fountain dahil kay cathy the camel... LOL!

modular exams suck big time!

oh well...

that's college...

i'm still depressed from what i have watched from karen davila's special report in tv patrol the other night... :( SO THAT REALLY MEANS I HAVE TO STUDY FRENCH AND BE FLUENT WITH THAT LANGUAGE...

god, buddha... help me... please...

you guys both know that i got my mom's support already...

i need points... *sob*

karen davila... salamat po... i don't really like you as a journalist, but yeah... still... thanks a lot...

ako na nga pala ang bagong hiraman ng mga kikay stuff... lol! nagdadala ako ng mga chuva ek ek diyan pero hindi naman ako yung gumagamit...

i'm still in shock with the culture of paulinians in quezon city... since students came from different high schools i guess...

but i'll get used to that thing or whatever... i hope...

people always tease me when i speak... lol! why? do i sound fucking stupid? lol! hindi po nagiinarte ang twang ko... ganun po talaga dapat sa ingles...

salamat.
bow. *hello tidiwap!* ;p nahawa ako sa bow mo...

rrrrrruh.....

2005-07-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

how sunny...

i was sweating like a hmmm... pig a while ago.. LOL!
dang pe class...

no matter how many physical education classes, i am still a big cookie... :( i'm still round and fat... :(
i stopped my abdominal exercises before cuz i'm too bust with school... so now i'm back to one big erm - AB... lmao!

hmmm... tv patrol is gonna show tips and other shit for someone who wants to migrate to guess what? canada... lol! my mom gave a comment and she told me: uy inna! ayun o... sulat mo na...

lol! my mom knows talaga... i mean she knows na may hinahabol ako sa country na iyon... lol! feeling ko nga alam niyang tao ang habol ko...and i am pretty sure my mom will understand me pag sasabihin ko na kung ano yung tinatago ko sa kanya... :)
and my mom promised me something... she's really willng to help me... as long as i am going to be happy with my own decisions...

*dear god dear buddha, wag naman po talagang ma-reject and magiging application form ko.. hehehe... seryosong dasal ko po ito... matagal niyo naman alam yung hiling ko hindi ba*

i just noticed, i utter god's name and biddha's name very often these days... hindi ko naman balak magmongha... ako??? tssss... marumi utak ko eh... hehehehe...

oh well...

i took the guidance personality test this afternoon... and my results were read... sabi ni ms. asuncion, natural na matiisin ako... tahimik at mahilig aralin ang mga technical subjects na hirap na hirap ako... masyadong tahimik pero super friendly... lol... tama ba talaga ang results ko? pero i guess natural na matiiisin talaga ako... i really don't mind if i'm getting hurt cuz i am always ready to give all people another chance... and more chances... well except to some na hindi deserving...

inaantok na ako...

oh well... i dowanna make this entry long... mag-aaral pa ko sa modular for tomorrow...

i want some gummy worms... or bears... or any animal... basta gummy... at candy... hindi totoong hayop noh...

bye.

ps... i'm soooo fucking credit-less... *sniff*

drizzle.drizzle.psh...

2005-07-05T14:04:00.000+08:00

this day sucks... big time...
besides from getting wet because of the rain, i had to spend my fucking 500 bucks just to have 100 pesos in my pocket... ika nga, magkaroon ng barya... like wtf is that... i tried to buy this 100 peso worth of loaded train credits but hell! that station there in fucking gilmore doesn't have change for 500 pesos! and so i have to spend it on something else... but oh well... i'm trying to save money cuz i am soooo fucking broke right now... lmao! i'm gonna get a spongebob for myself... a new cushiony material to drool on... LOL!

so yeah... on my way home, i rode this fx taxi and this large white guy went in together with his wife or something... and the white old guy kept on chit chatting with me and janelle... like we've known each other since hmmm... forever! LOL! but yeah... i wish he was my lolo... he was telling us stories about the fat lady he saw when he rode the fx thing too before and the others were squished towards the left side... LOL! oh well... sometimes old poeple makes my heart melt when they try to make someone laugh... i guess it's my frustration to have a grampy or a granny... :(

it was still freaking hot inside our classroom a while ago... but it's okay... and i almost forgot jyungki's 17th birthday! lol! good thing i remembered and i greeted her this morning...

oh well...

i just realized that i always want to be different... i hate it when people label me as one of the scenes... like... fuck your scenes off!!! I'M JUST ME AND I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT... I MAY BE SIMILAR TO THAT SCENE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT I DON'T BELONG TO THAT!!!

i admit that i am so so so anti-people... it's bad but hell yeah... i like it that way... people are very annoying. i know not all of them whine but people are bunch of poseurs... oh well... can't do anything about it... i just hate people... period....

why do emo groups invite me in myspace? fuck! it's just my fucking hair and at first i didn't know it's an emo hairstyle... i chop my own bangs and it ended up this way. i am not emo... if ever i really am, then i am still going to deny it. i know i am a dork... emos are dorks... but i'm dorkER than dorks... lol!

i guess i'll have to take those fucking fake emo tests online... lol! cuz i'm really not! like what the fuck is that 61% emo shit result on the previous tests i took??? lmao! that's a fake... people who made that generalize...

hmmm... am i really not emo ar i am just denying it?

whatever!

i'm just me bullshit! that's it!

oh well... biglang parang pikon yung entry ko ata.. hehehe

oh well... i'm looking at my lil cupcakes photos right now :)
i like her curly locks... :D it looks cute... heeeheee... dang... it looks really hmmm... kulot.. heh...

i really wasn't expecting myself to be this mushy... :) but i like it really... lol!

my god... i feel like i'm getting sick...

i'm sooooo excited to take to faith again... :) she's the hottest hotness ;p

weeeee!

2005-07-01T17:48:00.000+08:00

i got 2818 views in my myspace profile.. lol! i wonder who looks at my profile...
boys with straight bangs a.k.a. emo-haired boys add me.. lol! nakita na nga na ako ay isang gay.. lol! oh well... people make myspace as another popularity game... wtf... lol! i admit i was into that before but not anymore... oh well... *sheeet.. nahawa ako sa oh well ni faith.. feeling ko nga, nahawa siya sa "excuse me" ko... lol!*

ang tagal ng mass kanina... puro lalake naman yung mga high school students ng quezon city.. grabe... akala ko sa pasig marami na ang tibo.. mga 1 or 2 or 3 per room.. hindi pa la! sa qc, hala na! naglagananap ang ka-homosexualan! my goodness! lol! with the hair cuts and everything... naglakwatsa nga kami kanina bago umuwi... we ate in mcdo before going straight home... it was fun really.. fries, coke light and caramel sundae.. yurmmmmy! i didn't order any burgers cuz i ate burgers for lunch... that 20 pesos and you get one for free.. lol! pero yung isa, hindi ko kinain... dinala ko sa room para kainin nila tep at ni jen... :)
ang bait ko naman.. lol! so yeah... i saw these several freaking spongebob stuffed toys... :( i wanna get one but it costs for like 1399... yung maliit pa lang yun... yung super smallest kasi ay 390 ewan na.. :( i have to save money for that... grabe... marami pala akong pagiipunang mga bagay-bagay this year.. :-
para sa tooot then sa tooot and sa ... hehehehehe.. basta yun na yun... ako na lang pwede makaalam...
;p

hmm.. i wanna get that checkered sneakers.. :( *sob*
i wish my mom would give me that sa bday ko.. :( yung yellow and black... :D heeeee...
hehehehhehehe...

oh well...
i'm planning to save my money talaga for something... gusto ko pag bibilhin ko yun pinaghirapan ko talaga.. :) heheheheheheheehehehe
baka mahirap hanapin yun dito pero yeah.. i'll try to find the exact hmmm replica? lol! of that thing... basta yun na yun... whatever...

so....

may modular exam ako tomorrow... sige.. gotta go muna..

love you baby.. sooo much! *hugs and kisses to you*

uhfrentees.komyootuhr...

2005-06-30T13:34:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah yeah...
ayoko ng magcommute! lalo na't ngayon sumasakit ang mga binti ko! sheeeet.. lintik na pe class yan! mga stretching shit! hindi pa kasi nabatak yung legs ko kaya ngayon sumasakit... siguro hindi lang talaga ako sanay maglakad ng super long distances... puro na lang ako reklamo.. lol! at least marunong na ko umuwi mag-isa...
oh well... i miss my baby a lot... kahit kagabi hanggang sa dreams ko puro si faith lang ang laman.. kaya naman ang sarap ng tulog ko.. ;p i'll just tell my boo about it the next time we're gonna talk... i woke up with a big smile today cuz of that... nagsimula kasi sa text niya kagabi... i do miss her too... as in sobra...
my god... lol i was pretending she's my snoopy again... i dowanna post here what i do to my snoopy - - - oh no.. don't think something dirty.. what i do to my snoopy? i do something really morbid... lol! kidding... i kiss my snoopy really... pero mas nanggigigil pa ako kay faith.. ;p she's sooooooo cute.. lalo na when she's doing those lil puppet voices or something... lalo na yung piglet voice... heeeee... kaya tuloy si piglet feeling ko buhay talaga siya.. lol! snoopy, pgilet, vbear.. our babies! lol! ;p geeez... i just need to put them in the laundry now... i always sleep with them and they get dirty from time to time... :-
they need some washing.. heeee.....

lilbeefcakebebeou are somehow burara like me...

but i want you to watch over yourself more than your stuff.. ok?

i love you so much. :)